Its here again and so soon. Yes your favourite helping of complete and utter nonsense is back to fill your lives full of eastern promise, no sorry that’s Turkish Delight! Well it fill’s you full of Cadbury’s Goodness, no again that’s Dairy Milk! Right that’s it, Your weekly dose of norks, music and general fun and frolics! Yes that’s more like it.
Now as it is my goal to keep you ever entertained by this little blog, then this week I am adding a couple of new features for you to enjoy. Yes even more of the best blog of the web you luck people. But what have I got for you? Well you will have to wait to see, but let’s just say it won’t be too taxing on the old brain cells. There will also be a new addition for the next few weeks. As you will all be aware, the Euro’s have started.
All over Europe fans are out supporting their countries in the top European Football Competition, except England of course, who have got the summer off thanks to ex-manager Steve McClaren, who has now got a summer job in Blackpool, taking kids for a ride up and down the beach, the silly ass!
So just so we don’t feel left out, Captain Jack will bring you my very own Euro report. It’s a bit like Sky Sports, but without the well sporty bits, but there will be some football type stuff and comments thrown into it along the way. But don’t expect too much, I am a pirate you know!
Now along with the new stuff that will be on the blog this week, the old favourites will also be here. Another very nice Hot Chick is on the way, a Joke of the Week, a Classic Track, a great Live is best, some more Karaoke Classics and first up as usual, its this weeks……… 
Yes don’t worry the head scratching quiz is still here to give you something to dwell upon. Far be it from me to take away your quiz section, as I know how much you love guessing what I have hidden in a picture for you to guess. Now last week was not as easy as you would of wanted it to be, so I will be a bit kinder with this weeks little piccy. As if! Here we are then, look at the picture and then read up your clues.
1. This was the band’s first single release in 1978 and became one of their signature tunes.2. Mainly known as an instrumental the bass line featured on the track was actually played on the guitar as the band had no bass guitarist at the time.
3. The track has been featured on such T.V. shows as Family Guy, and is on the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame as one of the tracks that changed music history.
Bet you haven’t got a clue. I can see you there scratching your bonce. Well it won’t help you. The clues are more than enough to help you, and the picture really does desribe it perfectly. But if you are just that little bit to impatient, then go on scroll down, don’t read all the new stuff, or about this week’s Hot Chick. Go on just scroll down and miss all of these quality features! For the more patient amongst you of course there is the option to sit back and relax, take in the sights and sounds of this week’s blog, and read on at your own pace.Now how about we try something a little different!
Well what do we have here then. That’s right, its new feature number one time. And guess what. Yes it’s another quiz, another picture quiz! I know how much you love them, and what with the top quiz night in the country now taking place on Thursday’s at the Hotel, then this is good practice to home in your skill’s. Well for my crew mates to home in their skills anyway!So how will this work then. Pretty much the same as the music version. Below is the picture that very eloquently describes the title of a well known film. Three clever clues will follow, and all you have to do is guess the films title, Easy right. Well this first one is, but wait till you see some of them, they make the music quiz look a doddle! Right lets get those quizzical mind of yours ticking over again.
1. The film was released in 1981 and starred Burt Reynolds, Roger Moore and Farrah Fawcett.2. The film had a cameo by Jackie Chan, who used the film to break into the American market.
3. It went on to have two sequels made.
There you have it then. All you movie buffs will no doubt be flicking through that VHS collection to find this classic to watch again I’m sure! Now as for the answer, well you know the drill, you can flick through to find out the answer to both of the quizzes this week at the end of the blog, or you can read on through these quality features! Right it's time to get back to normal now with this week's
Classic Track #19Electric Light Orchestra ~ Mr Blue Sky
What an appropriate Classic This week! Just as it looks as though summer is finally upon us, what better song to bring you than this song from Birmingham’s answer to the Beatles, the Electric Light Orchestra, or ELO as they are lovingly known. The song was the third single off the bands Out Of The Blue album, and was released in 1978. It reached number 6 in the UK charts, but it is one of those songs that has the distinctive sound that ELO have become renowned for.
The song forms the final part of the Concerto For A Rainy Day, which was the entire Side Three of the album. The four part concerto tells of how the weather affects mood’s and peoples feelings. It opens with the moody Standing In The Rain, which has haunting keyboards being played over real rain recorded by Jeff Lynne whilst standing outside his rented flat. The second part Big Wheels tells a sad tale of the depression that rainy weather brings. The song's working title during recording was Bad Salad, a word play on Sad Ballad. The third section, Summer and Lightning, the raining weather theme is continued throughout the track though the mood and lyrics are more optimistic eventually leading on to the classic finale of Mr Blue Sky.
ELO were formed in the late 60’s with Ron Wood in the band and the creative writing talents of Jeff Lynne. The aim was to form a new band that would use cellos, violins, horns and woodwind to give their music a classical sound, taking rock music in a new direction. Wood left the band to form Wizard, but Lynne went on to make the band one of the biggest in the world by mid 70’s. ELO had become successful in the United States at this point and they were a star attraction on the stadium and arena circuit. Despite this they were still largely ignored in the UK until their sixth album, A New World Record, hit the top ten there in 1976. It contained the hit singles Livin Thing, Telephone Line, Rockaria and Do Ya, a rerecording of a Move song.
This was followed by another platinum selling album, Out Of The Blue. Out of the Blue featured the singles Turn To Stone, Sweet Talkin Woman, Mr Blue Sky, and Wild West Hero, each becoming a hit in the United Kingdom. The band then set out on a nine-month, 92-date world tour, with an enormous set and a hugely expensive space ship stage with fog machines and a laser display. In the United States the concerts were billed as The Big Night and were their largest to date, with 80,000 people seeing them at Cleveland Stadium. During the famous spaceship tour, the band were criticised for allegedly playing backing tapes. Despite some criticism, The Big Night went on to become the highest-grossing live concert tour in music history up to that point. The band also played at the Wembley Arena for eight straight sold-out nights during the tour as well, another record at that time.
The group's name is an intended pun based not only on electric light, as in a light bulb as seen on early album covers, but also using electric rock instruments combined with a light orchestra. The official band logo, designed in 1976 by artist Kosh, was first seen on their A New World Record album, and is based on a 1946 Wurlitzer Jukebox speaker. The new logo has appeared on most of the band's albums in various forms and on Out Of The Blue, the logo was turned in to a huge flying saucer space station, an enduring image that is now synonymous with the band.
Hmm very tasty! Just the right way to start the day with a great big bowl of norks! So now you have finished laughing at that, lets have another laugh with this weeks.....
A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll for her daughter. She tells the assistant that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price. The assistant replies "We have Tennis Barbie and she's £28"Lady asks "Well, anything else?"
"We have an equestrian Barbie, and she's £28".
Lady asks "Anything else?"
"Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's £250"
The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive. The others were only £28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?"
The assistant replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff."
Yarr Harr harr me old rum soaked cock sparrows an welcome ye to another one of my fearful crew. Hoist the Mainbrace! This week I want to introduce you to one of the oldest seadogs in my crew. He sails on his ship, Poseidon’s Raider, and goes by the name of Leather-face Bill Morgan, or as you know him better Bill Cosby. Shiver Me Timbers!
He’s a salty old salt is this one, and if all is not ship shape on the old poop deck, then he will be sure to make’s ye walk the plank and visit Davy Jones Locker. He is often three sheets to the wind, drinking his favourite Morgans Rum, and he can be found aboard his ship with his whole family with him on the lookout for doubloons, the old hornswaggler. He’s taken many a Jolly Roger and turned them into shark bait I can tell ye, the son of a biscuit eater!
Well I’m off now to down a gallon of the finest Rum, so until we meets again next week, Yarrr harrr haarrrrgggghhh!
So what has Ronnie been up to this week. Well one of his showbiz chums had a shock for us all this week. Rock matriarch Sharon Osbourne is reportedly set to swap her role as a judge on reality show The X Factor for a place in the British version of Dancing With The Stars. Osbourne recently quit her job on the TV talent competition following a series of bitter feuds with fellow judge Dannii Minogue.The 55-year-old had been lined up to take part in hit US show Dancing With The Stars last year, but was forced to pull out following surgery. And now that Osbourne is free of her The X Factor commitments, it looks as if she will finally be able to fulfil her dream and take part in the UK version of the show, Strictly Come Dancing.
A source said "At the moment she's filming America's Got Talent for Simon Cowell and she's concentrating on her US TV projects.
"Early last year, Sharon was meant to appear in Dancing With The Stars but she had to pull out to have an operation. She's always wanted to do it, so what better time to put on her dancing shoes and go up against the X-Factor when the shows start again in September."
Both The X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing are slated to air in the U.K. in September, meaning they will go up against each for ratings in the prime time Saturday night slot. As you can see, Ronnie has caught Mrs O in all her glory, watch out judges! More from Ronnie next week.
Magic Pen
It’s the moment you have all been waiting for. Yes yet another visit to my never ending list of Hot Chicks. Now I have had a complaint. A certain reader claimed that last weeks Hot Chick was not hot enough! Well let me assure you that I take all these complaints very seriously. So let me assure you that this week, there should be no complaints about her hotness! I am proud to present to this week Hot Chick.
How’s that then hot enough for you. Elisabetta was born in Soverato, Italy in 1980, and is a well known Italian TV presenter, well known in Italy that is! She is renowned for appearing on shows wearing extremely few clothes and has often been caught in lets say compromising position! So why do you think she got to be a Hot Chick? Well take a look at this and you will see why!
As a child, she had various career aspirations, including being a police woman and a detective. This was based on her mom's tough stance on good and evil, which rubbed off on Elisabetta and her sister. Justice and crime-fighting didn't prove to be in the cards for Elisabetta, but another one of her early wishes most certainly was. Using her mom's brush, she would speak into a "microphone," look in the mirror and imagine herself on television.
Before she took her first steps into showbiz, she concentrated on her education, gaining a diploma in accounting in 1998 and a degree in modern dance at a top university in Rome. She then set her sights on becoming Miss Italy. She didn’t win, but it gave her the idea to use her beauty to further her career. Thank God she did, I mean can you imagine if she had stayed as an accountant! What a waste that would have been!
She used her new found skills to appear in three Italian films in early 2000, and this led to her being offered a role in the Italian TV show Euro 2000. The success of the show made her a regular on Italian TV, and led to her starring in nine top Italian shows. However her biggest and most popular role as a dancer on the show Libero. Yes she used to get half naked and dance around with her norks out!
She then found success as a model, and believe it or not, she actually replaced Eva Herzigova as the face and body of Wonderbra! Yes yet again Captain Jack has brought you another Wonderbra model! Its amazing how many of them there are you know, and they all seem to have one thing in common, they seem to get loads of pictures of them published in underwear!
In 2006 she was involved in a high profile sex scandal with a high ranking Italian government official. It’s alleged that she only did this to gain herself a guaranteed slot on Italian TV, but that was denied by both parties. Though she denied that anything sexual took place, the exposure it gave her made her even bigger in Italy than ever before, and landed her a huge modelling contract with a mobile phone company, and such Italian clothing giants as Dolce and Gabbana and Armarni.
As a top model now, she gets to show off her curves in some of the fashion worlds sexiest creations. And of course, that means that she will get to wear some extremely sexy underwear. Now far be it from me to just use that as an excuse to show her in her undies again, but most of the info on her is Italian so all I can bring you is hot pictures of her! Shame isn’t it!
As for romance, well that’s where the problems start! You see, she currently dating Formula One boss Flavio Briatore. Not such a shock you may think, well maybe when you realise that he is 31 years older than her! And later this year she is going to marry him! Then again him being a multi millionaire, and probably will die on the job with her, she has been known to give hints at what she would spend his millions on if he should pass away cough cough suddenly.
So if you have any complaints about this week’s Hot Chick, let me just go over the facts. 1. She is Hot 2. She is a Chick 3. She is Italian 4. She will soon be loaded 5. She likes to be photographed almost naked and 5. She has a great set of puppies! All the best bits of a Hot Chick I think you will agree. More next week.
Its new feature time. Yes this time it’s not the Celebrity’s wanting to appear in Star Wars, well not for a few weeks anyway. No this is about what happens when they don’t get the Star Wars gig. Now we all know what this personality is famous for. It’s none other the bad boy Mike Tyson, former Undisputed Boxing Heavyweight World Champion. Now Mike has fallen on hard times recently, so hard up for cash he has had to start up his own plumbing business! Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t fancy him coming round to check my taps, I mean if you argued about the price, he would probably bite your bloody ear off!
Yes always good to have your own designated driver to help you out in those unforseen moments when your three sheets to the wind! And what better way to lead into the part where I usually end up needing a taxi, yes it's.......
Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall - With a Kiss
1 shot Sloe Gin
1 shot Southern Comfort
1 shot Vodka
1 dash of Galliano
1 teaspoon Amaretto
Orange Juice
Crushed Ice Cubes
Shake the sloe gin, vodka, Southern Comfort with cracked ice. Strain and pour into a highball glass. Top up with orange juice. Add the dash of Galliano. Then float the Amaretto, the kiss, on top.
Oooh I like the sound of this one. Just look at those lovely ingredients! All mine they are. Hand it over I haven’t had a comfortable screw for ages! Lets get the old gums around this one then. Jeez its like theres a party in my mouth and everyone is invited. Shhhoew then bratender letch ave annovver one of thosh then.
I told yoush veess were schtrong didlly I. Rite letsh ave a look in me top pocket ven. Wotshc this. Arrrh it’s a pistuere of er indoors. Whats do yoush meanz why do keepsh lookings at itsch? Well when shee getz to be good lookin, ven I knosh its times to go ome! Right im off ven.
Time to calm down now and offer my service to another of my needy readers. You know it bring a tear to my eye to see some of the letters I get from some of the people. In fact me and the girls in the office spent hours trying to sort out the most needy of you this week, well I say hours, most of the time was spent watching then parade around in their bikinis! But we did sort one out in the end, and we finally came up with this one from Tracy in Basingstoke. She Writes:What can I do Captain? this is upsetting me a close friend of mine is bisexual and he recently got a new friend, but they became closer, now fancy each other and are now doing sexual things. This other person expects to come out with us EVERY day. When me and my friend went on holiday he expected a phone call off him. My friend says he is coming at 1pm and I’m going at 3pm. So they can have a couple of hours to themselves. I’m sick of being treated second best. "The gooseberry". and They tell me to go down for drinks as well so they can have their alone time. But before they got sexual I said 2 him I don’t want him taking my place and he said he wont. But he has! what can I do?? I love my friend as more than a friend but he doesn't want me as a girlfriend, my friend admitted that this other person has took my place. Please help me Captain I’m in a real state.
Captain Jack Replies: Look this is not good. I mean we read some real good ones this week……I think we did anyway, and this is the best you could give me, I mean this is a no brainer! You mean they read all of this when I think it, Bugger, now that may not be the right thing to say here with the Bi thingy going on. Hey ho I’ll give it a go. So your boyfriend is in tight with his boyfriend. Hum! It's a hole new ball game this bi thing. I hope he can work it out, slowly. Oh my god, NO! He's spending more time with a lover than with a friend! How outrageous! Luv, if my boyfriend spent way more time with his friends than with me, I'd be worried. Not like I have ever had a boyfriend to be fair. Look leave the old turd burglar alone. He obviously is batting for the other side, and if he likes to weigh anchor in poo bay then let him be, your much better off without him, unless you fancy being a lezzer that is! Anyway thanks for dropping a line and please don’t forget to read every week.
Right enough silly stuff for this week. Still time for a couple of new feature yet, but not quite yet, because it’s time for the music section now. Now your having a week off the culture this week, as Pianocian is busy recording his first album thanks to Captain Jack, so this week we have another helping of Karaoke Classics, and another Alternative History, but first is this weeks………. 
Start Me Up ~ The Rolling Stones
Start Me Up ~ The Rolling Stones
Wembley 1982
Rio by Duran Duran
Highest UK Chart Position: Number 9 December 1982
First up tonight one of the biggest bands to come out of the New Romantics era of 80’s music. The boys from Birmingham fronted by Simon Le Bon had a string of hits throughout the 80’s and 90’s, and were reputed to be one of Princess Diana’s favourite bands. This track was probably one of the bands biggest hits, and is easily one of their most recognisable hits.
The song was the fourth and final single lifted from the band's album Rio, and was edited for its release. It was issued worldwide in November 1982 and became an Top 10 hit in the UK Charts. The song did not attract much notice in the US upon its initial global release, but after the band's breakthrough hit Hungry Like The Wolf stormed MTV and scaled the American charts in December ‘82, radio programmers paid closer attention to the catchy melody and insistent, intricate bass line of Rio, and they reissued the single in March in the US to great success.
The musical hook for Rio, well-known among Duran Duran fans and synthesiser enthusiasts, was produced by an arpeggiator, a software tool which can play the individual notes in a chord in a chosen pattern. Rhodes created the unusual sound at the beginning of the song by throwing several small metal rods onto the strings of a Grand Piano in the studio. The recorded sound was then reversed to create the intro. The laughter on the track was that of Rhodes' girlfriend at the time.
The song Rio was supposed to of been inspired from when Duran Duran toured Brazil and decided to write a song about their experiences there. But in fact the band insists the song is actually a metaphor for America and in fact the song expressed their desire to succeed there, which they did. The wordplay is interesting, as Rio is sung as if it's a girl's name, and the word conjures images of the popular and glamorous Brazilian city, which goes with the exotic image the band was cultivating. The lyrics clearly state, however, "from mountains in the North down to the Rio Grande," which is the span of America.
Duran Duran travelled to the island of Antigua with director Russell Mullachy in May of 1982 to film the video for Rio, where the yacht scenes were filmed on the bay at English Harbour, the beach scenes at Miller's Beach, and the bit with the raft at Shirley Heights. They also filmed a video for the album track Waiting for the Nightboat at the time, and both appeared on the Duran Duran Rio Video Album released in 1983.
Rio featured iconic images of the band in expensive designer Anthony Price suits, singing and playing around on a yacht speeding over the crystal blue Caribbean Sea. Short segments show band members trying to live out their assorted daydreams, only to be teased, tormented, and made fools of by a body-painted vixen. The London model in the video is credited as Reema, was a model for Models One agency, and was reputed to of been dating one of the band.Nick Rhodes was reportedly dreadfully seasick during the filming, and has often said "I hate boats unless they're tied up and you're having cocktails on them.”
The music video was shot in three days. At the end there was originally planned a scene where the band members got chased off the island with people wielding guns. The director didn't have enough footage left to shoot this. He had to borrow a tourist's camera to shoot the part of one of the band playing a saxophone on a raft. After the video was completed, Duran Duran went for a swim in the sea and were inches away from sharks when the yacht captain yelled for them to get out of the water.
Born To Be My Baby by Bon Jovi
Highest UK Chart Position: Number 22 December 1988
Now I know at least one person who will be glued to their screen now reading this, and I’m sure that they will already know all there is to know about this Bon Jovi track! It was written by Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora, and Desmond Child, and was the second of five Top Ten singles from the New Jersey album, which was the most singles from an album to chart in the Top 10 for a rock band.
In the beginning and end of the song is a refrain of "na-na-na na, na-na na, na-na na, na" by the band members, that is in sync with the melody of the song. The song is highlighted by upbeat keyboard playing by David Bryan, a loud steady drum beat by Tico Torres, bombastic guitar riffs by Richie Sambora, a husky emotional delivery of lyrics by Jon Bon Jovi, and prominent background singing in the bridge and chorus, especially by Sambora.
The chorus is repeated several times throughout the song, and is well-remembered also due to well-defined rhyming and the use of alliteration, you know like Peter Piper Picked A Peck Of Pickled Peppers.
The song was originally recorded acoustically, with just two acoustic guitars and a harmonica in the outro. However under Bruce Fairbairn's influence, it was re-recorded in the form found on the album. Jon Bon Jovi once said that he believed the song would have made number 1 on the charts if released in its original form, instead he alleges that Fairbairn was trying to create another Livin' on a Prayer.
The video for the song was done in all black-and-white, like many of the band's videos from the New Jersey album. A very low budget video, it was shot all in the studio, chronicling the recording process for "Born to Be My Baby". In the full length video, there is actually dialogue between band members and the band does the chorus again, unsatisfied with the original version. The video prominently features photogenic shots of Jon Bon Jovi singing, as well as the band gathering around a microphone to sing the na-na-na-na-na part. The video also features a lady that Jon Bon Jovi hugs about halfway through when she comes to the studio, who just happens to be Jon Bon Jovi's wife for 18 years Dorothea.
Bon Jovi had perfected a formula for hard pop rock by the time of New Jersey, concentrating on singalong choruses sung over and over again, frequently by a rough, extensively overdubbed chorus, producing an effect not unlike what these songs sounded like in the arenas and stadiums where they were most often heard. The lyrics had that typical pop twist, although they nominally expressed romantic commitment, sentiments such as Lay Your Hands on Me and Born To Be My Baby worked equally well as a means for the band and its audience to reaffirm their affection for each other.
The song can be described almost as a forgotten gem, and it was notably absent from the band's 1994 compilation Cross Roads, and also as it doesn't receive nearly as much radio airplay as the Slippery When Wet singles and the two of New Jersey’s Number 1 singles receive.
However, the song has remained a favourite among fans and the band has obviously taken note, as it has been a set list staple on Bon Jovi's last four tours, and was also featured on the band's acoustic re-invention album This Left Feels Right, where the song was finally recorded in its original form.
Maggie May by Rod Stewart
Highest UK Chart Position: Number 1 October 1971
Time for a bit of class now with one of Rod’s best known and biggest hit singles. It written by singer Rod and Martin Quittenton and recorded in 1971 for his album Every Picture Tells A Story. Maggie May expresses the ambivalence and contradictory emotions of a young man involved in a relationship with an older woman, and is thought to have been written from Stewart's own experience.
It was initially released in the UK as the b-side of the single Reason To Believe, but DJs became fonder of the B-side and, after two weeks on the charts, the song was reclassified, with Maggie May becoming the A-Side. However, the single continued to be pressed with Maggie May as the B-side.
In October 1971, the song went to number one in the UK and simultaneously topped the charts in the US. The Album achieved the same status at the same time, a feat achieved by only a handful of performers, notably The Beatles, Simon And Garfunkle, and Beyonce.
The song was Stewart's first substantial hit as a solo performer and launched his solo career. It remains, arguably, his best-known song. A famous live performance of the song on Top Of The Pops saw The Faces joined onstage by DJ John Peel, who pretended to play the mandolin. The actual mandolin player on the recording was Ray Jackson of Lindisfarne. Stewart himself was amused by the song's success, saying, "I still can't see how the single is such a big hit. It has no melody. Plenty of character and nice chords, but no melody." Talk about not realising you have a hit on your hands.
When this track was being recorded in the studio, there was a problem with the bass kick drum pedal. Either it wasn't brought to the session or it was broken. To get the drum part completed, the drummer had to actually play the bass kick drum part on it's own track using a drum stick and played it like a tom-tom with his hand! You can clearly hear the hi-hat and snare drum more robust as the bass kick lacks that padded and punchy foot sound.
S.O.S. by ABBA
Highest UK Chart Position: Number 6 October 1975
I know, I know an ABBA song from the great Captain Jack, but with the Rod Stewart track got me thinking Ben Mill’s X-Factor version and there you go, in a round about way! It was first called Turn Me On, was the third single from ABBA's self-titled 1975 album. It was released with Man in the Middle as the B-side. Agnetha, the fit blonde one from the band also recorded the song in Swedish on her 1975 solo album Elva kvinnor I ett hus, which translates as Eleven Women In One House.
The song was written by Benny Andersson, Bjorn Ulvaeus and Stig Anderson. The title itself was coined by Stig, though the lyrics he provided were re-written by Ulvaeus. Despite the song's catchiness, it was passed over as the lead single from the album, and the track So Long was chosen instead. So Long was chosen primarily because it had the same uptempo beat as their 1974 hit single, Waterloo.
It was ABBA's UK comeback single, reaching No.6, and also became the group's second US Top 20 hit. It topped the charts in New Zealand, Australia, Mexico, South Africa, Belgium and Germany, and reached the Top Five in Italy, Austria, Holland, Norway, Switzerland and Ireland.
The song has a number of musical fans in its time. John Lennon and Pete Townsend of The Who, had both declared that it was one of their favourite pop songs.
This is the only Top 20 hit in history in which the title of the song and the name of the artist are both palindromes - they spell the same thing forward and backward. ABBA was an acronym for the four names of the members of the group: Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny, Annifrid. One of ABBA's problems is that their songs sound so very simple. When you don't listen real close, you'll only hear that, and will compare them to simple hit machine-like groups. But when you listen closer you'll find their melody's and arrangements are quite complicated and really hard to sing as the makers of the Mamma Mia musical found out.
Although all of the group's members soon embarked on new projects after the band split, with both Agnetha and Annifrid issued solo LPs, while Benny and Bjorn collaborated with Tim Rice on the musical Chess, none proved as successful as the group's earlier work, largely because throughout much of the world, especially Europe and Australia, the ABBA phenomenon never went away. Repackaged hits compilations and live collections continued hitting the charts long after the group's demise, and new artists regularly pointed to the quartet's inspiration, such as pop duo Erasure released a covers collection, Abba-esque, and Australian group called Bjorn Again found success as ABBA impersonators.
In 1993, Dancing Queen became a staple of U2's Zoo TV tour, with Benny and Bjorn joining the Irish superstars onstage in Stockholm, while the 1995 feature Muriels Wedding, which won acclaim for its depiction of a lonely Australian girl who seeks refuge in ABBA's music, helped bring the group's work to the attention of a new generation of moviegoers and music fans.
Rounding off the music section this week is this weeks bit of alternative history. Good old Ozzy. He’s not really known for his vocal talents. In fact he can hardly string a sentence together at times, let alone speak another language. But what if he had taken a different route from being the Prince Of Darkness, and had decided to learn Italian and become a world class opera singer! Now that would be shocking enough, but what would Pavarotti of made of him biting the heads off bats during a performance?
That's it for all the music this week. Now let's see, two great new features so far, and another to come, in fact its here right now. Now how spooky would you like to get? Well this is where I get to scare the living daylights out of all you lilly livered land lubbers! Now be warned, don't read this in the dark, or you might poo your pants, in my new feature......
Its yet another new feature to enjoy this week. Now all those showbiz types have their dark sides you know. And they all bring it out at night when they turn into evil killer clowns! And as your friend I aim to bring you what they look like so you can avoid them at night if you should bump into them on a dark alleyway one dark night. First up is the wannabe King Of Pop from the Potteries, Robbie Williams. Now he looks evil some of the time anyway, but if you bumped into him in this get up! Jeez you’d run a bloody mile.
Now we all know that Euro 2008 is now here, and as your number one sports reporter, its my duty to bring you my report on the biggest football tournement of the year. All the sights and sounds will be here in true Captain Jack style. So your Euro rundown starts here. For those who don't know, this yeas tournement is being held in Austria and Switzerland, and at eight of the two countries stadiums, mainly because there is only four stadiums big enough in each to hold international matches!
16 of Europe's best teams will compete for the title of European Champions this year, except for England and the other Home Nations, mainly because we are all crap! At first many thought the tournament would be poorly supported in Switzerland, but as you can see the locals have thrown their support behind it fully.
Every competition has its silly mascot, and this one is no exception with these two showing the colours of the respective host nations, it Bill & Ben the Football Men!
Lets face it, the Opening of these tournaments are usually a bit of a waste of time, I mean they are supposed to be about football, so what the hell have these giant Swiss women with milk churns got to do with football exactly?
The stadiums have all been newly fitted out with the latest equipment, and state of the art ticket machines have proved that this tournament will give the touts the most problems in forging tickets. One big complaint though has been the name of some of the grounds, I mean this Dutch fan seems bemused at the name of the stadium!
Every time a big football competition takes place it brings out the most colourful supporters, like the yellow of the Spanish fans, the Swiss in their red, the red and white check of the Croatian fans and the Orange Army of Dutch supporters, Oh yes and of course the French, who just look like a bunch of cocks!
The tournament brings the biggest stars from around Europe to battle out for the title, and sometimes they like to get together and give each other a big hug, like you can see here.
Now as I said earlier , it was feared the tournament would be badly supported by the locals, what with them having absolutely no chance of winning it, but as you can see here, the Swiss sold nearly every seat in the ground, well nearly all of them anyway!
Now lets get on with the football, well I say the football, but lets face it we are not in the tournament, so frankly who cares who wins, so after I have seen all the 16 teams play now, its only fair that we score the tournament on the fitness of their fans, the female fans of course. First match was hosts Switzerland playing the Czech's.
Looks like a draw to me, next up in Group A was Portugal and Turkey
Definately the Portguese Chicks for that one! Next up is Group B. First up is the other hosts Austria, and they took on the team that knocked out England, the mighty Croatia.
Not sure but I think Croatia just about sneaks that one. Also in Group B is the favourites for the competition Germany, who take on their bitter rivals, Poland.
Close call but I think the Germans just about snaek this one. It was claimed that the Germans were only favourites because they play each match with giant balls.
The Polish manager used all his best skills to see if they were, but the binoculars provided by the UEFA officials proved to be a little poor.
The German manager was outraged at the thought that the mighty Germans would need to resort to such methods to beat the Poles, in fact as you can see, he showed just what he thought of the comments made about his team.
But without and proper proof the Germans won the game comfortably, and their fans were quick to show their Polish counterparts what the final score of the game was, well at least how many goals they scored!
Next up is Group C, and the first game in this group was between the French and Romania.
Although it looked like the Romanian's have sneeked a shock win, it was just a draw at the end of the game. In fact the French fans showed here just what this game needed to liven it up. 
But this Romanian fan let them see just what he thought of the first goaless draw of the competition!
Next up in Group C is the Netherlands, or the Dutch, or Holland, who take on the World Champions Italy.
Now some people do say that all Italians are dog's!
But I think this weeks Hot Chick and this little beauty proves that this isn't true!
Now it wasn't expected, but the Dutch absolutely trounched the World Champs, and when you see Edwin Van Der Sar's Dutch wife, you can see why this was such a comfortable victory!
Another gorund with a very small scoreboard, but the Dutch fans helped by showing the Italians just how many goals they lost by!
Finally it's believe it or not, Group D. First game was the other team that knocked us out, Russia, who take on Spain.
No real shock here to find the Spanish won quite easily. Finally was the team we were all waiting for Sweden, who take on holders Greece. So here it is one of those world famous Hot Swedish Chicks!
Now that can't be right lets try again!
No real shock here as the Swedish win easily. Now some have complained that without the English the tournament will end up with no talent, what a load of balls!
Not true at all, I mean it's footie, and that is an excuse to sit in front of the telly and enjoy a nice cold beer!
And while you sit down and enjoy your beer, you can fill in your Captain Jack score sheet! Sorry Its a bit small!
Phew thank God thats all over with! Can't wait to find out what Europe's finest have got for us next week! So thats almost it for another week. But we do have a little matter of the two picture quizes from earlier. And after all this weeks top new stuff, I'm sure you cant wait. First up is the answer to Every Picture Sings A Song, and this week's answer was of course....
And the answer to the Magiacal Movie Mystery Quiz was of course.....
But of course you all got those with no problems at all didn't you! Now that's just about it for another week, just long enough for me to say see you all soon, and don't worry ladies, only two more weeks left of the Euro's! See Ya
1 comment:
hmmm... you're hot chick is better than last weeks (Liz Hurley is *not*hot!), gorgeous body but shame about the face, something not quite right about it.
Now, Van Der Sar's missus....that is a HOT chick. How on earth could he get someone like that? Let me guess.....
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