Thursday 22nd November 2007


Sorry,sorry sorry. Got that out of the way. Last week was held up by technical difficulties as Captain Jack was called away to salvage the Black Pearl from some rather unscrupulous characters that had taken the law into their own hands in the whole pirate pillaging your jewels my goblet debate, better known as I had to work late and couldn't make it on Thursday. And what happened in my absence? I'll bloody tell you what happened. The plug got pulled on our beloved Karaoke night that's what bloody happened! So as this is to be the last 'Thursday Night' blog for 2007 it is a double whammy supercalifragilisticexpialidocious extended edition of your favourite weekly blog.
As for the whole Thursday Night thing. Well regular readers will know that crowds for the night have been dwindling for quite a while now, and it has been increasingly more likely that it would come too an end sooner rather than later. The final straw I think came when, in my absence last week, the pub was almost empty of singers, with only Shaun and Nicky the only regulars in on the night. This gave the landlord the prime excuse to pull the plug on the Thursday night Karaoke and replace it with a 70's and 80's night, a surefire winner to pull in the punters!







Just my valued opinion on the somewhat sh1t decision. It is the inevitable cop out from the landlord to try and save the flagging fortunes of mid-week drinking in pubs. More than anything else the biggest problem as I had said earlier in the year is the surrounding competition. Just down the road, in fact within 5 minutes of the Hotel is a pub that has a Thursday karaoke night. Twelve months ago this pub was boarded up due to financial and drug related problems (They kept getting raided and eventually got shut by the police/brewery) This pub now has re-opened and has started to pull in regulars who used to be our regular singers at the Hotel. And why? Well maybe the fact the beer is just £1.50 a pint compared with the £2.65 I pay for a Stella in the Hotel. And then the landlord wonders why its empty! No advertising is put up around the pub for Thursday's. No drink offers to tempt in the mid-week punters and stiff competition from pubs down the road is what has put pay to our beloved Thursday's not the night itself. It used to be a thriving night on a Thursday, but it has now become a rather quiet night. For me he should of given it until Christmas, as inevitably, Thursday's may start to fill up with Xmas drinkers, and the last thing we want is for him to think that the 70's night is what is pulling in the punters! I'm not so sure it will be a permanent fixture, as I'm sure Andy will work his charm and magic to get the Karaoke back, but for now at least we are going to revert to the Tuesday nights until at least the end of this year.
Shaun has felt quite low about this as we discussed the end of the era tonight, and for readers of his blog, you will see he is probably pulling the plug on the stats he has been so diligently keeping for our enjoyment, but I urge my readers to get behind us in our campaign to 'Bring Back Thursday Karaoke' and to keep his chin up by leaving messages of support on his message board in his stat-busting efforts so at least we will have a years worth of data. This has come as a shock and a blow to us all at the Hotel, and to top it off, even some of the bar staff did not realize it was to be the last Karaoke on a Thursday! So to end on this rather sad little part of the blog, I'd just like to thank you all for reading our blogs up until now, and continue to support us in out new 'Tuesday Night' efforts until we can get our Thursday Night back again!
So back to the old Captain Jack stuff. Now as its a double whammy on the X-Factor this week, as I missed last week, then for your amusement it a double whammy on my super lists of fun, in fact as you have been good I may ever throw in a triple whammy on the lists as I only managed three songs this week and Ive sang one of them before so not much to write about there then. So yes where was I the list's. This week I thought I would bring to you the stages of life for a man and a woman, you know what I mean the little intricate desires of the sexes at the defining ages of their lives, all brought to you in Technicolour from my vast fountain of knowledge!!!! First up lets have the lads.........

Favourite Drink

17 - Lager
25 - Whisky
35 - Vodka
48 - Double Vodka
66 - Its all liquid now as you can't eat solids anymore!

Chat Up Lines

17 - My parents are away for the weekend
25 - My Girlfriend is away for the weekend
35 - My Fiancee is away for the weekend
48 - My Wife is away for the weekend
66 - My second Wife is dead

Favourite Pastime

17 - Sex
25 - Sex
35 - Sex
48 - Napping after Sex
66 - Napping

Definition Of A Successful Date

17 - Tongue
25 - Breakfast
35 - She didn't set me back in my therapy
48 - I didn't have to meet her kids
66 - Got home alive

Favourite Fantasy

17 - Getting a hand up the blouse
25 - Airplane Sex
35 - Menage A Trois
48 - Taking the company public
66 - French Maid/ Love Slave

Ideal Date

17 - Triple Quinten Tarrentino at the cinema
25 - Split the bill before we go to my place
35 - Just come over
48 - Just come over and cook
66 - Sex in the company jet on the way to Las Vegas

The Ideal Age To Get Married ?

17 - 25
25 - 35
35 - 48
48 - 66
66 - 17

Confused, don't be. We have all been there in those awkward positions, and I'm sure all the lads will agree at the very good points raised here. Now I'm sure you can't wait for the ladies version, but you ravenous dog's will have to wait a little bit longer as it is now time for this week's first instalment of the X-Factor ta da da dah!


So here we are down to the final seven acts and what did the show throw at them this week......Disco Week! This is the first time the show has had a disco week for all the contestants, so it was going to be make or break for certain acts, who may not be suited to this style of music. The acts also this week got to meet Girls Aloud as they were the special guests this week and were on hand to offer advice to the fledgling acts. So with Dermot and co suitably suited and booted it was off to the sparkly spotlight of the X-Factor studio for another nail biting week.

1. Leon - Relight My Fire - A fantastic start to the show. To think a few short weeks ago this young lad seemed terrified when several scantily clad dancers were on stage with him, but this week he did what all 18 year old lads would do given the opportunity and enjoyed it! The nerves appear to have gone as this was a terrific and confident performance with really great vocals. Louis said it was his best performance of the series so far. Sharon said he was likable and it was a great way to open the show. Simon said it should of been a disaster but it wasn't and that he felt the song was sang with a lot of soul, and Danni agreed with Louis and said it was his best performance of the series and that she was surprised at how suited he was to the disco style. Will definitely be safe this week and is becoming a dark horse for the final.

2. Niki - Hot Stuff - For those of you who go to the Hotel the thought of Niki singing Hot Stuff sends shivers down your spine as it brings back memories of our Nicky torturing the song. Thankfully this was not anyway like that in any way shape or form. The opening of the song was impressive, with male dancers appearing from under the smokey floor. The song was sang with lots of gusto and confidence, and once again Niki impressed with her vocals. Sharon said she was 'Hot Stuff' and she had unbelievable heart and soul, Danni said it was great and sang well, Simon said it had no place in modern music and said she looked like a 'mum at a wedding' , instantly offending the crowd and Sharon, who bit back at him, and Louis defended his act saying she sang danced and had great heart and soul and that it was proper disco.

3. Rhydian - Go West - This was always going to be his hardest week he had to face so far, and the Riddler struggled with this song. In his meeting with Girls Aloud he was advised to camp it up as much as possible, but even in his sailor suit surrounded by a stage full of other sailors, the camp factor was jut not there for me. He struggled with the routine, didn't look comfortable in fact it was a little boring. Mixed comments from the judges. Louis called it as camp as Xmas but he was using to many gimmicks each week, Sharon thought it was camp and fabulous, Simon said he my struggle tonight after the performance, and his regular fans will probably hate it, but Danni defended her man saying the crowd salutes Rhydian and he will be here to stay. Will be lucky to not be in the bottom two this week.

4. Hope - Gimme Gimme Gimme - Another very good performance from the girls tonight. Great vocals, and the Abba catsuits looked the part. They even arranged the vocals to 'mix' in the Madonna 'Hung Up' lyrics, from which the song takes it riff. It was a great track and the girls brought the proper disco feel to the night. Louis said they looked fantastic and that they are much better than the Spice Girls (Although he didn't say they were better than his Girls Aloud!), Sharon said they looked amazing and that they looked confident and comfortable, Danni said they looked like a proper band already and Simon said it was very difficult to perform that well live and that it was a terrific performance. Should be safe this week.

5. Beverley - I'm Every Woman - Another great performance by the shows newest diva. No surprise that Beverley was suited to the Disco style at all. The vocals were spot on tonight and she gave a very energetic performance for what proved to be one of her best weeks yet. Sharon said it was a fantastic strong performance and she was a special woman, Danni said she was in the zone tonight and loved it, Simon said it was a big improvement on last week and in the second half of the song she made it her own and Louis said it was the best so far tonight and that Rhydian better watch out, not sure why thought?

6. Alisha - Young Hearts Run Free - This ended up being a disaster for Alisha. Vocally she did OK, not her best but as good as some tonight. What let her down was the dancers, who surrounded her on roller skates, with the guys being obviously unable to skate properly, making her look ridiculous. As the dancer started to make mistakes, her confidence seemed to fade away, and at the end she looked glad it was all over. The look on her face showed she felt she was going to get a bad time with the judges. It started OK. Louis said she was getting better and better every week, then it went downhill fast, Danni said she didn't like the performance and the dancers and that it sounded a bit flat. Then big gun Simon laid into her saying it was a mess, the dancers ruined it and she sang out of tune, this resulted in a heated argument with Sharon and Simon about the dancers, leaving Alisha up on stage with Dermot looking upset and bemused by the ongoing row. In fact it went on so long that Sharon didn't even get to comment on her act. Will have to hope for a miracle this week.

7. Same Difference - Blame It On The Boogie - Another poor performance. The duo tried their best to at least be a little camp, but the vocals weren't great the dance routine was distinctly average and without the cheese factor these are just a couple of Butlins singers putting on a children's party performance. Sharon said it looked fun and was well done, Danni said she was not sure about the performance and it was not their best but they always worked hard, Same Difference resident hater Louis said they were nice people but they were never going to win the show with some of the other acts that were in it, and Simon admitted it was a bad song choice and was changed at the last minute and that he hoped the had done enough to rectify it next week. May be their last week on this performance.

After all the acts had finished at least three of the acts were looking in trouble this week after very weak efforts tonight, with Alisha, Rhydian and Same Difference all looking very worried as the names were being read out by Dermot as to who had made it through to the final six. As the names were read out the biggest shock was that Rhydian and Same Difference made it through, along with Leon, Beverley and Niki, leaving Alisha and Hope as the bottom two this week.

First up to perform again was a very shocked looking Hope. As they were not really expecting to be in the bottom two they pulled off another great performance, and this time tried to impress the judges with their confidence and positive attitude. Alisha came out fighting for what was her third appearance in the bottom two. The terrible roller skating dancers were dropped, and this time she looked more confident with her performance, making this a tough choice for the judges.

So as you would of expected Simon voted to send Alisha home and Sharon voted to send home Hope, leaving it down to Danni and Louis. After praising the girls almost every week, Louis voted to send home Alisha and keep Hope, as to did Danni meaning that Alisha was sent home and Sharon was out of the competition with no acts left, poor Mrs O. So here is the usual Captain Jack send off for Alisha....... Alisha is 23 years old and comes from Wembley in London. She was inspired to audition for The X Factor after watching Leona Lewis win the show last year. Alisha lives just down the road from the X Factor studios so saw the crowds of fans queuing every week and thought “I want some of that!” Her musical background has been based mostly around her church gospel choir and she has been having singing lessons for the last year. Alisha is really close to her Mum, Sharon, who is her harshest critic and she describes them as an Ab Fab pair as they are both equally loud and flamboyant. Alisha is passionate about fashion and shopping and loves reading all the glossy magazines to get style tips and she has worked as a style advisor in Top Shop. Goodbye Alisha and good luck.........

So there we go. As we wave bye bye to another contestant the show gets ever nearer to its conclusion. So as I said this is a double whammy week for the X-Factor, but as a little break before the final six battle it out, here is the conclusion to the ages of life lists, this time with you lovely ladies in mind. Handbags at the ready.........

Favourite Drink

17 - Wine Cooler
25 - White Wine
35 - Red Wine
48 - Dom Perignon
66 - Shot of Vodka with a Slim Fast chaser

Excuses For Refusing Dates

17 - Need to wash my hair
25 - Need to wash and condition my hair
35 - Need to colour my hair
48 - Need to have Pierre colour my hair
66 - Need to have Pierre colour my wig


Favourite Pastime

17 - Shopping
25 - Shopping
35 - Shopping
48 - Shopping
66 - Shopping


Definition Of A Successful Date

17 - McDonalds
25 - Free Meal
35 - A Diamond
48 - A bigger Diamond
66 - Home Alone

Favourite Fantasy

17 - Tall, Dark and Handsome
25 - Tall, Dark and Handsome with money
35 - Tall, Dark and Handsome with money and a brain
48 - A man with hair
66 - A man

Ideal Date

17 - He offers to pay
25 - He pays
35 - He cooks breakfast next morning
48 - He cooks breakfast next morning for the kids
66 - He can chew breakfast

What’s The Ideal Age To Get Married?

17 - 17
25 - 25
35 - 35
48 - 48
66 - 66

Now there you have it ladies, all the right answers there I'm sure you will agree, and if you don't, well you are ladies!!!! So after you have had chance to read and digest the first of the X-Factor editions this week here we are about to head straight into the next one, but first here is a word from our sponsor.....


It almost seems like it's never been away ha ha. Here we are back again for another nail biting installment of the UK's biggest karaoke competition. So what have our lovely judges got in store for the remaining six this week. Its Love Songs. Again this is a week that will favour some contestants with their style, and others may struggle, but the chance to be in the final five is huge and after so many weeks the remaining acts are all pretty much as good as they are going to get, so the competition is really hotting up now.

1. Beverley - Without You - A great ballad to start the evenings events off with. As this one was sang last year by the brilliant Leona Lewis, and it was one of her best week’s, this was a big risk for Beverley. But fear not the classic love song was given it’s all by the singer in her own style. She sang the song very powerfully, and yet again the vocals were top notch. As Beverley has gone on she has proved she is able to adapt to the different styles, and she is obviously a great ballad singer. The judges were impressed as well. Sharon called it a magnificent performance and that she did the song justice, Danni said it was ‘In the Zone’ and very good, Simon said she sounded nervous at the start, but made the song her own in the second half and it would be a tragedy if she went out after tonight’s performance, and Louis said he was over the moon with his act and that it was fabulous. The others have their work cut out this week.

2. Same Difference - Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now - Yet again this duo struggled to win me over this week. Without the gimmicks they are just club entertainers, and with them they are just annoying. The song was a classic by Starship that everyone recognises, but the vocal’s seemed strained throughout this performance, and by the end her voice was way to overpowering, drowning out her partner in crime. This was not a good performance. Mixed bag again from the judges. Sharon sai they had grown up a lot and gone from Blue Peter to 2007, Louis said they had sang their best week for him so far but that it would be a travesty if they won, Danni said it was great to see they made Louis uncomfortable but she did think the vocals were not great and could have been better, and Simon said he thought Louis was wrong to keep on at them and that they had a great performance and sang the song brilliantly.

3. Niki - Power Of Love - In her VT Niki told us that this was one of her Dad’s favourite song’s that he liked her singing when he was alive, and by the performance that Niki gave you could tell this was a very emotional week for her. By far this was the best song so far tonight, as Niki conveyed the emotions that the song gives out with ease, making the performance all the more believable. All the judges had praise for Niki as she held back the tears listening to them comment. Sharon said that she showed great emotion in her performance and that it was unbelievable, Danni said she had a great voice and the song really suited her, Simon said it was a million time’s better that last week and that the real competition for her had now started, and Louis said she nailed the tough notes in the song and that she was a real singer.

4. Rhydian - Somewhere - So Ok then another Musical song by the Riddler, but lets face it he can sing these songs well. This one was taken from West Side Story, and yet again he managed to pull off a great performance to redeem himself after last weeks disaster in the Disco week. This song bought him right back to his comfort zone, and he should be relieved to be able to get back into his groove with this one. A little shock from one of the judges for Rhydian. Sharon asked if it was true he had auditioned for the Any Dream Will Do Show on the BBC, and a rather sheepish looking Rhydian replied that he had, fearing a backlash was coming, but no Sharon said that Andrew Lloyd Webber must have been mad to of missed him because their loss was X-Factors gain, Simon said ha was a decent guy who is vocally perfect and that he would be an incredible winner for the show, Louis said he was the most professional of the remaining acts and that he was head and shoulders above the others and Danni was visibly holding back the tears as she called the performance incredible.

5. Hope - Hurt - Not heard this one before but apparently it is by Christina Aguilera. Despite that the song was yet again performed brilliantly by the girls, with Phoebe again brilliant on lead vocals. In the press this week it has been claimed that the girls were at each other throats and sick of Phoebe being singled out by the judges, and I imagine that this song will do nothing to change that view, but vocal’s in a band are about harmony as well, and these girls can harmonise together brilliantly. It was a very good performance, but I think the fact that many, like myself, were not familiar with the song may be against them. Sharon said Phoebe had sang really well again, but that the competition was getting tougher now, Louis was glad he had saved the girls last week but he did feel Phoebe was carrying the group, Danni said they should of put Phoebe through and they had missed her as a solo act, but that the group sound brilliant and Simon said they showed real confidence to come back after the week they had been through and that they sounded fantastic tonight and that it would be a travesty for them to be eliminated.

6. Leon - You Don’t Know Me - Well you may not know the song by Eddy Arnold from 1955, or the better known version by Ray Charles in 1962, but as Ray Quinn did last year with his swing style, Leon is taking the Micheal Buble big band style and making it his own. It hardly matters if people don’t know what you are singing if you sing it as well as Leon did tonight. This was by far and a way the best performance of the night. As he had grown in confidence last week with a brilliant Disco week, he again took it up a notch with this brilliant effort. It was very comfortable for him, and extremely well sang, and he got the standing ovation he deserved. Louis said he loved the song and he was getting better and better every week, Sharon said it was in his comfort zone and sang to perfection, spot on tonight and a real dark horse for the show, Simon started by saying he had wondered why he had been picked for the competition and, as Leon’s bottom lip dropped and it looked like the crowd was about to erupt on Simon, he added until now, he said it was his best week and that it was an incredible performance and Danni, yet again, almost brought to tears by her act said she felt part of Leon’s family and that he was brilliant.

So all of the acts had released the love on us all, and it seemed that this week would prove to be a difficult result to pick out who would be going, but as ever, in true X-Factor style the result this week was again a shock. Rhydian, Leon, Niki and Same Difference all made it into the final five, leaving a stunned Beverley and Hope to battle it out for the judges votes.

First up again was Beverley. As she has been in this position before she knew it would have to be something special to impress the judges this week, and she managed yet again to put up a fighting performance and made the song even more emotional than her first time around. This is going to be a tough one for the judges.

Never let it be said that if Hope are to win this year that they haven't done it the hard way. Another week in the bottom two when they really didn't deserve to be, and despite a few sound problems in the perfomance (a bit of feedback from the mike's was clearly audible) the girls, especially Phoebe, pulled off another great performance and are fighting for their futures.

So of course the judges now had to choose who was to be eliminated. Simon stuck with his act and chose Beverley to leave, and Louis stuck with his act and chose Hope to go, leaving the decision with Danni and Sharon. Danni decided to sent home Hope giving then two votes to one, but Sharon, not wanting to be the one who puts out an act, voted for Beverley to leave making it two votes each and for the first time this year there was Deadlock.

This now of course that the final decision is not down to the judges but to the public and the telphone vote. The tension was almost at bursting point as Dermot was handed the envelope with the losing act's name in it. As he paused for what seemed an eternity he read out the act going home this week...........Beverley.

So the diva spent her last week putting up a brave fight, and her to send her off is her Captain Jack farewell....

Beverley Trotman is 37 years old and hails from Luton in Bedfordshire. Beverley is a primary school teacher, a job she adores and in her spare time she has been singing in choirs since the age of four and is a member of the award winning Kingdom Choir, who have performed as backing vocalists in the past on both The X Factor and Grease Is The Word. Beverley lives in Luton with husband Jonathan and their two children Tianna, 12 and Luke 10. Beverley is from a large family and one of her nephews, Leon Barnett plays for West Brom. Beverley's favourite food is ice cream (strawberry cheesecake flavour), and her most used phrase is "it's massive" or "it's huge".She hates people who eat loudly and she's got a spider phobia. Goodbye Beverley and good luck.......

So there we go folks another dose of X-Factor over for another blog. It was a shame to see Beverley leave this week and it goes to show how close it is when the good acts start to leave, but it is a competition and it is there to be won. More next week.....

So onto the final night for the Thursday karaoke. To be honest it was a bit of a damp sqiub this week, with all of us feeling a bit hard done too at having our night taken from us like this, and to top it all I forgot my song list and therefore had to resort to Plan B in songs for the night, not always the best plan but hey its a plan! So what delicacies did I serve up tonight then. The song's tonight were 1. Love Is The Drug by Roxy Music 2. Let's Get Rocked by Def Leppard and 3. Paradise By The Dashboard Light by Meatloaf.

Love Is The Drug by Roxy Music Link To Video

A seventies classic to start with in honour of the upcoming 70’s nights which I’m sure will be a blast……..not! Sarcasm over for now. This was the 1975 single from Roxy Music. A number two hit in the UK, it also gave the group its first substantial exposure in the United States, reaching number 30 in 1976 on th Billboard chart. The song started as an Andy Mackay instrumental, but then gained lyrics from Bryan Ferry. Ferry said the song came to him while he was walking and kicking the leaves in Hyde Park. It remains Roxy Music's highest-charting single in the US, while in the UK it was only topped by their 1981 version of John Lennon's Jealous Guy. A cover version has been recently made by Kylie Minogue for the 2007 Radio 1. Established 1967 compilation album. Very easy to get to grips with and the vocals were not bad for an unpractised song. On the night rating 7/10

Lets Get Rocked by Def Leppard Link To Video

A rock classic next as I did feel in quite a rock mood after the recent mini-gig fest I have undertaken this month (Hence the slow blog publishing folks!) but not to worry I’m getting around to it now. Well I have sang this one already this year, and Tina has been asking me to sing it for her for weeks now, so I finally cracked under the pressure and got around to it for her! So my in depth report on the song was done way back in April when I sang it last, so instead of banging on about this one I will just let you know that the new blog I am about to start writing has an official title now, and is to be called ‘Rock Your World - The Rock Encyclopaedia’. It is still in its infancy and I have still to decide on who will be the first entry, but when it is unveiled you my lovely readers will be first to see it. It will feature Def Leppard and of course the other great British rock bands from the ages such as Little Angels, Thunder, Magnum, Iron Maiden, Thin Lizzy, The Quireboys, Terrorvision and many many more. On the night rating 7/10

Paradise By The Dashboard Light by Meatloaf link to video

As this ended up as the last song of the night, and as I dueted this one a couple of weeks ago with my partner in crime Leeane, then I feel no need to tell you about this emotional end to the Thursday karaoke night. All that is left for me to do is to say Goodbye Thursday Hello Tuesday. On the night rating 10/10

Now I normally say at this point thats it for another week, but this time this blog is thats it for this fortnight folks see you next week!. Yes normal service will be resumed next week with the brand spanking new Tuesday night Blog taking over from where this one is leaving off. As for the gig guides, well despite the fact there are still only 24 hours in a day I shall endevour to bring you th Biffy Clyro, Magnum and Thunder gig guides and picture's as soon as time will allow me too.

Now as a request has come in from one of my readers that my X-Factor blog is very good but there is another weekly competition that I should be putting my excellent linguistic skill around......thats right ' Strictly Come Dancing ' so as Captain Jack is here to keep his punters happy, John Barnes was booted off this week as he was garbage......I think anyway take a look for yourself.



" Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you..

Homer: Is it Batman?

Marge: No, he's a scientist.

Homer: Batman's a scientist?!

Marge: It's not Batman! "

Homer J Simpson

Thursday 8th November 2007

Another busy week for the Captain so I will try my best to entertain you but in the shortest amount of time. So to start with this week, not so much funny but entertaining none the less. Poor Comedy Dave from Radio One got his bum waxed on Celebrity Scissorhands this week by his fellow Radio One colleague Aled all in the name of charity for Children In Need. Now I'm not one for all this 'namby pamby' bum waxing melarchy, but his face when all the celebs walk in on him to see Daves arse is very funny, and to top it off he got waxed by the midget Warwick, who you will recognise from countless films, by a wax strip almost as big as him, no pun intended.....





So now that I have lightened your load a little on to this weeks list. As I have been so busy just lately, this weeks list is most appropriate. Here for all you fellow stressed up little monkeys is Captain Jacks patented stress relief tips....


1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and see how far you can fire them.

2. Use your MasterCard to pay off your Visa card and the vice versa.

3. Make a list of things to do that you've already done.

4. Dance naked in front of your pets.

5. Put your toddlers clothes on backwards and send them to nursery as if nothing is wrong.

6. Read the dictionary upside down and find secret hidden messages.

7. Pay your electric/gas/water bills in pennies.

8. Drive to work in reverse.

9. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

10. Polish your car with ear wax.

11. Start a nasty rumour at work and see if you recognise it when you hear it again.

12. Write a short story in alphabet spaghetti

13. Stare a people through a fork and pretend their in jail.

14. Make up a language and ask someone for directions in it.

15. Buy a box of condoms from the chemist and ask the sales assistant where the fitting room is, and for help putting it on. (Note only for female sales assistants, unless your a batty boy of course!)

So there you go. Fifteen surefire ways to relieve your stress and put the other buggers around you into a whole new world of stress they could of never imagined. So back to the bit of the blog I like to call The X Factor Section (Note to self:Must come up with better name for X-Factor section!)


Week four already and this weeks theme is 21st century hits or as refered to on the show, modern classics. Each act had to perform a song by artist from after 2000, giving us the chance to at least of heard the songs from Louis Walsh's category and not the songs from his fifties record collection! With only eight acts remaining the pressure was really on the remaining acts to see if singing a 'modern' song would show if they can relate to today's musical tastes. The public are a fickle bunch, so get this wrong and you could be packing up early, and the judges would be on high alert to keep their reputations of being able to judge current music trends intact. Let the battle commence...

1. Niki - Because Of You - Not a well known song unless your a Kelly Clarkson fan, so in my opinion this put the talented singer under pressure from the off, but she has a great voice and the gamble paid off. Sang very well and made the song her own, but at times the vocals seemed a bit out of sync and rushed. Sharon said the performance was unbelievable and she had a belting voice, Danni thought it was the wrong song and the vocal could of been better, Simon agreed it was unbelievably good and back to the old Niki, and Louis said she had the right attitude and it was the right song for her, and she could be in the final.

2. Same Difference - I Don't Feel Like Dancing - It was cheese time early on tonight as the brother sister combo pulled off another childish performance of this Scissor Sister classic. Again the performance was over the top, but the act are playing to the public, especially the kids, vote and if they carry on like this they will probably win it, but being too cheesy and predictable can get you booted off and I'm not sure they could change their style enough or be believable singing serious songs. Louis, who has slated them every week, said they were growing on him but they would never win the show, Sharon said it was very Micheal Jackson and the routine was nothing to do with the song and described it as a 'bad dream' (I think she meant nightmare!) Danni said they made the performance look easy and were great, and Simon said he thought it was their best performance and above all they were singing in tune and that it was fun.

3. Andy - Chasing Cars - Not the best version I have heard of this song by Snow Patrol. This week Andy tried to 'rock' himself up a bit, but the dopey eyes are just nut going to cut it with this style, and the poor lad just looked out of place and nervous. Having said that as the song went on his vocals improved and all in all not a bad performance. Louis said it was a great song choice but that he just had something missing, Sharon said he sang well, but he lacked the 'kahunas' to be a believable rocker, and she would know!, Simon described it a like eating caviar with salad cream (Why doesn't he just say crap!) and it was the wrong song choice, and Danni said that it was great and the judges were out of touch with music.

4. Beverley - Your Beautiful - Best vocal of the night so far, but the lyric change from 'saw her face' to 'saw his face' didn't work so it stuck in my mind as a bit of a balls up. But as I said Beverley's vocals on this were perfect again, and the song suited her style. Sharon saying that she sang from the heart and you could tell the story with her vocals, Danni said she looked venerable and to bring back the diva, Simon called it a peanut performance, meaning it was the type of song you would expect to hear in a hotel lobby, and Louis said it was brilliantly sang and that he believed she would go far.

5. Hope - Back To Black - After the slip into the bottom two last week the girls had to perform this week. No gimmicks just great harmony and vocals. And yet again this time they made the song their own, with another good performance. It makes a change to see a girl band that can all sing and that look good too, most only look good nowadays! Louis said they made the right decision keeping them in and that they should go a long way if they can win the girls votes, Sharon said they were back to their best and they sounded and looked great, Danni said it was much much better than last week, and Simon said it worked and they sounded back to their best.

6. Leon - Dancing In The Moonlight - Great little performance here by the young lad from Scotland. Had suffered apparently with a bad throat in the week and was worried he wouldn't get through the song, but he did, and it wasn't half bad. Gave it his own style and although his dancing is a little stiff, he is definitely getting better in the competition. Louis said it was too Micheal Buble and it was the wrong song, Sharon said he was growing and growing every week and that he was getting better and better, Simon said he had the likable factor that made him special, and that although the vocal could of been better, he was improving, and Danni said she was proud of him after his tough week.

7. Alisha - Girl Put Your Records On - This girl is really suited to the newer songs and this was a great performance, but the vocal seemed a little less than heartfelt and could of done with hitting the high notes higher! This could be as in her VT she explained that this was not really her type of music. Now how a young girl is not into Corrine Bailey Rae after the year she has had and how big her album was I don't know, but Alisha's needs to realise that this kind of music sells today, and that she sings it well. Louis said it was a bit too diva? (Plonker) Danni loved the song and the performance, Simon said it was not as good as last week but she was growing with confidence, and Sharon loved it and thought she did really well.

8. Rhydian - You Raise Me Up - Billed as performing as all of Westlife in one, this was worrying, but the Riddler managed this week to pull of a song with no gimmicks or acting, just singing. A bit dull for my taste, but his vocals were again fantastic, and he is looking more and more like he can win this at a stroll. Louis called it the best version he had ever heard (ever likely after hearing the Westlife version) Sharon said she thought that he looked like the winner, Simon said it was an incredible world class vocal and the best version he had heard (ever likely after hearing the Westlife version) and Danni said he was amazing and proved he didn't need the gimmicks to sound good.

Now as less and less acts are in it gets harder to see who will end in the bottom two. This week was a bit of a weak show really, and all the acts could of picked better songs, but that is the judges call. So as the names were read out for who survived the last two left this week were Andy and Beverley.



First up was Andy, and after a slightly nervous first performance, this time he came out fighting and put his 'Kahunas' into what was probably his best performance of the series. Not that he is my favourite, but he put in enough effort and emotion to get thorough on this performance. Beverley came out and sang again very well, but seemed a bit shocked to be in the bottom two and the performance was nowhere near as good as first time round.



So as you would expect Louis voted for Andy to leave and Danni voted for Beverley, keeping faith with their own acts, Sharon voted for Andy as she felt Beverley had the most potential, and Simon voted off Andy as he felt Beverley was more popular with the public. So off went Andy back to his day job, and here is Captain Jack's farewell report...

Andy Williams is a 23 year old from Newport in Wales. He lives at home with his mum and dad and elder brother Lee, and along with his brother he runs his own asbestos removal company. He has auditioned once before for the show, for series one, but he was turned down, and he has spent every night since practicing to get on the show, which he did this time round at his Cardiff audition. The first record he ever bought was Rocking All Over The World by Status Quo, no wonder he got the boot! And as he is such an honest lad his biggest claim to fame is that he hasn't got a claim to fame? Goodbye Andy and good luck.........

So there we have it. One less and its not getting to the nitty gritty part of the show. And speaking of nitty gritty, lets swiftly move on to this weeks selection of tuneage at the Hotel on Thursday. This week was another mixed bag for me, with oldies, newbies and classics all rolled into one night of singing fun. Here goes then . 1. Sweet Talking Woman by E.L.O. 2. Sweet Freedom by Michael McDonald 3. Folding Stars by Biffy Clyro 4. Tom Trauberts Blues by Rod Stewart and 5. In The End by Linkin Park.

Sweet Talking Woman by E.L.O. link to video

To start with tonight a classic from E.L.O. which nearly always goes down well in the pub. but tonight rather packed pub was full of a very young audience that seemed oblivious to the musical genius that was E.L.O. However having said that it went down well with everyone else. Sang tonight as at the weekend I yet again saw the best tribute act I have ever seen, The ELO Experience, of which I am determined to give a report on for you all soon as they deserve it, and next time they are on at the Oxford Arms then I think a group outing is called for as they are brilliant! So on to the song. Sweet Talkin' Woman was released in 1978 by The ELO from the LP Out of the Blue. Its original title was Dead End Street, but changed during recording, perhaps to avoid confusion with a 1966 hit of the same title by the Kinks. The track became the third Top Ten hit from the LP in the UK, peaking at number six in the charts. The song has been covered by the Christian ska band Five Iron Frenzy on their Quantity Is Job 1 EP. Huey Lewis & The News recorded the song Do You Believe In Love in 1982, and this song has been criticized as a blatant rewrite of Sweet Talkin Woman, for its extremely similar lyrics, progression, and vocal styling. On the night rating 7/10

Sweet Freedom By Michael McDonald link to video

A great forgotten song from a film soundtrack now. Sweet Freedom was taken from a great film Running Scared starring Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines. Good old fashioned buddy cop movie, good action and great soundtrack, staple fodder for mid eighties films. The song is another of those 'now where do I know that song from' and is mistakenly thought to by sang by several different artists to McDonald, as in the UK he is not that well known. McDonald played in several local bands while attending High School in his hometown of Ferguson, Missouri. He was 'discovered' while playing with a group called Blue and consequently moved to Los Angeles in 1970. He first gained wide attention as part time member of the group Steely Dan, providing back-up vocals on tracks for 1975's Katy Lied album. He would return on subsequent albums including The Royal Scam and have his unique phrasing in Peg on the album Aja. His talent on the keyboards was also showcased during this time. Michael continued to do background vocals for Steely Dan up to their 1980 Gaucho release. He also was a member of the original Steely Dan touring band playing keyboards and singing backup in the short time they toured in the early '70s.
McDonald was recruited by The Doobie Brothers in April 1975 when lead singer Tommy Johnston became ill during a national tour. As a member of the Doobies, he recorded some of his most memorable songs, such as Takin' It to the Streets, Little Darling, It Keeps You Runnin', used in the movie Forrest Gump, Minute by Minute and What a Fool Believes, which became a number one single in the US and earned him a 1980 Grammy Award for Song of the Year. After the Doobies' first farewell tour, McDonald continued with a very successful solo career. Among his hits are I Heard It Through the Grapevine, I Keep Forgettin' (Every Time You're Near), a duet with his sister Maureen, later sampled in 1994 by Warren G and Nate Dogg in the hugely popular "Regulate". Yah Mo B There, a duet with James Ingram which won a 1985 Grammy for Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals and On My Own, a 1986 duet with Patti Labelle which reached number one on the US charts.
McDonald has produced and/or appeared on albums recorded by many other artists, including his singer wife Amy Holland and Grammy winner Christopher Cross. He sang back up vocals for Bonnie Raitt's 1977 album, Sweet Forgiveness, on the songs Gamblin Man, Runaway, Sweet Forgiveness, and Two Lives. McDonald is also a co-founder of the small independent recording label Ramp Records, with studio designer Chris Pelonis and actor Jeff Bridges.
McDonald has reunited as a guest performer with the Doobies several times since their initial dissolution in 1982, but he continues his solo career with a series of tribute albums to the Motown sound. The best example of this is his 2003 Motown Records album Motown which earned McDonald two Grammy nominations. He also sang Eyes of a Child, written by Trey Parker, which was the ending credits track satirizing his career and songs, for the 1999 animated film South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.
On the night rating 7/10

Folding Stars by Biffy Clyro link to video

A quickly put in 'new' song, as my Karaoke compadre Shaun had played to the younger audience somewhat with his song choices tonight throwing in the likes of The Fratellis and Razorlight, so not to be outdone, and with the looming Biffy Clyro gig at The Carling Academy (Photo's and report to come honest!) All there is to say on this is that it is a great song, and they are a great band, and having seen them at Download earlier this year, I have one up on Hayley and Shaun in knowign they are a great live act too. And as the younger audince appreciated the track, it is obvious that my songs are know by people, as long as the audience is under 19! On the night rating 8/10

Tom Trauberts Blues by Rod Stewart link to video

Now its very rare I get to sing an absolute classic, no wait I do at least one a week, but joking aside this is one of the songs I have always wanted to have a crack at as the vocals are brilliant. It is a song written around the lyrics to Waltzing Matilda, the well known Australian folk song, but is based on the tale of a young soldier from Austrailia being caught behind enemy lines in the First World War and dreaming of being back home. The original Waltzing Matilda lyrics were about an Austrailian swagman, or tramp, so the verse was changed and the chorus kept to give tis fantastic old song feel to it. This version was written by Tom Wait, but this Rod Stewart version was recorded for his MTV Unplugges session in 1992, where it made number six in the charts. And after singing this one, I can safely say it was a real pleasure to sing this tonight, even though it did seem nobody knew it, this time I really didn't care. on the night rating 9/10

In The End by Linkin Park link to video

Who say's that me and Shaun don't just love playing to the crowds! Now it seems pointless to say anything about this song as this is the fourth time this year that me and Shaun have rocked the Hotel for quite possibly the best duet anyone ever sings in the pub. And the fact that we got a standing ovation from our young audience left our heads swelled no bigger than they usually are on a Thursday after a few pints. This is all about the fact that the Linkin Park boys have finally announce a UK tour, to be held in January 2008, and good old Shaun (Well Lisa to be precise) has very kindly agreed to get up and log on to bu us tickets to see them in Sheffield at the Hallam arena. Now I keep regular updates on the Linkin Park website, and no mention of a UK tour was even brought up, so it came as a pleasent surprise, and to give Shaun a taste of how good they are live, this weeks clip is of a live performance of In The End to get us in the mood. On the night rating 10/10


So here endeth another week. Next week I will try to find time to add the Biffy Clyro gig review, The ELO Experience report and the live album playing of Magnum's Wings Of Heaven 20th Anniversary tour. Where will I find the time to fit it all in. So much to say and so little time to say it in. Maybe I should keep to the minimum and not go into so much detail! Nah where would the fun in that be. And as I promised to keep you informed of the upcoming new blog on rock bands, the title I have decided on is ' Rock Yor World - The Rock Encyclopedia '. This will give a definative history on the best bands that have graced the rock world such as Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, Thunder, Scorpions, AC/DC, Queen, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, The Black Crowes, Skin and of course the big daddies The Rolling Stones. More to come in a few weeks, as a few tweeks are needed to get it looking right, but fear ye not it will soon be here! So until next week folks ta ra..........


" Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad. "

Homer J Simpson

Thursday November 1st 2007

Well this blog thing seems to come around quicker and quicker every week. So much to say and so little time to say it in, in fact I may be forced to stop pillaging and other such pirate like tasks to start doing this thing full time! So without further distraction, last week I promised a damn good blog this week, and a damn good blog you are going to get, like it or not.
So as I mentioned last week, myself and the other half Hayley were both off work to allow us to have a week of rest and relaxation, and for me to hone in my skills at playing Fifa 08 on the old PS3, not that I had that much time to do that, with out customary visit to Ikea to buy some weird and wonderful Swedish goodies. So over the week's build up to the promised very drunken Karaoke rampage on Thursday, we managed to decorate part of the house, and still find time to get in several hours of well thought out web surfing to bring you some very funny moments. First up is a little cracker. I know you all love the Cadburys advert with the Phil Collins look alike playing drums, and of course in any of these adverts, the old remixed versions come out, so for the first in the mini series of 'Gorilla playing drums', here is our hairy friend giving the X-Factor judges what for in his audition.....





Not that this blog has become over X-Factored in the last couple of weeks, that is just a bloody funny clip I'm sure you will all agree! So a few weeks ago, or is it months now, I found a great wedding video from an American couple who, like myself for my wedding, put on a show to make the special day unforgettable. Now this must of been one hell of a party so sit back relax and enjoy......





See to everyone out there who thought my little Darkness tribute was strange, then boo to you, this one was a lot stranger, and they didn't even dress up for it! Strangely though looking back on it The Darkness split up just after our wedding and our little tribute, and just after this wedding and video was shot Micheal Jackson was accused of child abuse! Hmm maybe there is a pattern forming here.
So on to this weeks list. With having several days off work to recuperate I got me to thinking of how to make life at work more interesting. We can all suffer from being stuck in a mundane job, just drifting in from day to day, just wishing for a little spark to make the day more interesting. But unfortunately we are not allowed to take beer into work, so here are the top 20 reasons why beer should be given to staff at work.

1. Its an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It cuts down time off because you can work with a hangover.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It encourages carpooling.
6. It helps save on heating costs in winter.
7. Employers will tell the management what they think, not what they want to hear.
8. Increased job satisfaction, because if your drunk you don't care.
9. It makes fellow employees look better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises if they are wasted.
11. Suddenly, burping in meetings is less embarrassing.
12. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable3
13. The cleaners cupboard will finally have a use.
14. It make everyone more open with their ideas.
15. Employees will work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
16. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch breaks.
17. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
18. Everyone agrees to work better after a couple of drinks.
19. Sitting on the photo copier and copying your bum will no longer be gross
20. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will become common language.

You see now toke some of those ideas into work and I'm sure the days will become a lot more interesting for all concerned. Now as last week I gave a little Halloween twist to the blog, with it being Bonfire Night on 5th November I couldn't let this week blog go buy without a little firework display of our could could I! Of course not, and so without further ado, here is the first annual Captain Jacks Haunted Mansion Firework display.... Stand well back and enjoy the fireworks, and always remember never give sparklers to kids under five and always put them out in a bucket of water, or just chuck them over next doors yard....





So with all that over and done with lets back back on track with this weeks very busy X-Factor report.

This week the show hit the headline for all the wrong reasons with one of the contestants being booted off the show by the producers. What never fails to surprise me is that after years of being caught out by contestants in reality T.V. shows for apparently not researching their past, and yet again they have been caught out by the youngest ever contestant on the show. Fifteen year old Emily Nakanda hit the headlines when this news story broke last week.




So with that story coming out the producers had no option than to call a meeting with Emily and her parents, and after that they confirmed Emily would be out of the show.


In the video shown on the news report she is shown attacking another girl for no apparent reason, but another video of her apparently brandishing a knife and threatening to cut somebody's eyes out also being circulated via the web, the producers had no alternative than to axe her from the show. Although it looks very staged in the video, and since the news report the second knife wielding video has bee proved to of been staged for the camera, the ITV bosses and Simon Cowell were quite right to boot the 15 year old off the show. So the so called Happy Slapper has made the headlines for all the wrong reasons, and left poor old Mrs O with only one act left in the show. Sharon Osbourne was obviously gutted by the story and in her official statement said she was ' deeply saddened by the whole incident '

So back onto this weeks show. This week was the week a lot of the contestants look forward to as it was Big Band week and they got to perform live on stage with a 27 piece orchestra in front of the watching millions at home. Of course yet again this style will favour some contestants over others, but for some it will be the chance to shine.

1. Leon - Fly Me To The Moon - First up on tonight's show is Leon. In his VT before his performance he commented on how the judges, mainly Simon, had not commented on his singing but on his lack of confidence, so with Big Band week being one of his stronger weeks he had a point to prove. It was by far and a way his best performance of the series, and from this he should gain lots of much needed confidence. The judges all liked it as well. Louis said he had his best week and a great voice, Sharon called him a dark horse for the competition, Simon said it was very good an his best so far and of course Danni was thrilled at her acts much more confident performance. Should be safe this week.

2. Futureproof - Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Next up the boy band. This week should be a breeze for them, but the performance was a little forced, and the promised dance routines from the VT were nothing more than a few swaying arms. Not their best performance, and the judges all seemed a little let down. Louis commented on the lack of dancing, Sharon said they looked and sounded OK but were a little stiff, Danni didn't like the song but mentor Simon said they had done a respectable performance. Not good enough if they want to win the show.

3. Niki - All That Jazz - One of the early favourites next, and after two brilliant weeks Niki yet again proved she has got an amazing voice with this performance tonight. She yet again owned the stage and even managed a very sexy routine complete with a trombone player playing in between her legs. The judges however had a more mixed reaction. Sharon said it was a big gamble which had paid off, Danni though it was a well sung effort, Simon said it was her worst performance and it was too cabaret for him, but Louis of course said his act had risen to the challenge and pulled it off brilliantly.

4. Rhdyian - Get The Party Started - Next up the biggest Diva on the show with the Shirley Bassey version of the Pink song. Complete with silver sequined suit and fur coat The Riddler as Dermot has nicknamed him came out with yet another over the top performance that only he could of pulled off. Louis thought it was a bit over the top, Sharon was left speechless by it all, Simon loved it and said it was probably the best performance he had ever seen on the show, and of course Danni said he was great predictably. Should yet again get through this week.

5. Same Difference - Reach - Now how an S Club 7 song can be classed as Big Band is anyone's guess, but as these two only seem to be able to do cheesy then I guess it could only be done by them. The performance was predictable and as usual very cheesy with OTT smiles from them both, and glitter sprinkles being thrown over the stage for some unknown reason. Not brilliant. Louis who hates this act said it was far too panto like, Sharon liked it and said they had worked hard, Danni said they were getting better and mentor Simon said it a terrific performance and gave the show the feel good factor. May struggle this week.

6.Alisha - Valerie - After spending the last two weeks in the bottom two Alisha had to come out fighting this week and she did with the Mark Ronson/Amy Whitehouse version of the Zutons track Valerie. It was, in my opinion, a bit rushed and she did fluff her lines a little on the second verse, but not too noticeably. Having said that the more modern song suited Alisha and it was her best week so far. Louis said it was her best week so far, Danni said she had pushed herself to give her best performance so far, Simon agreed it was her best week and Sharon said it was her and Alisha all the way now and it was a fabulous performance. Will be safe this week no problem.

7. Hope - Hanky Panky - As the song title promised this was bound to be an OTT performance and a sexy routine by the girls, and it was, complete with Simon being given a special hands on treat by way of a five way lap dance. Although the routine was good this was their weakest performance so far, and possibly the wrong song choice by Simon. It promised to be a lot better than it was, and that was reflected in the judges comments. Louis didn't like it and said it let them down, Sharon said it wasn't the best song choice, Danni said they looked great but had their worst weak, and Simon said they had put on a great show and looked and acted like stars. Could do a lot better but should be safe.

8. Andy - This Guy's In Love With You - The Herb Albert classic was given the Big Band treatment by the band but not the singer in this very dull and lifeless performance. It was again not a brilliant vocal, with Andy appearing to be staying at the same level and not improving as some of the others have. The judges all thought it was a weak showing as well. Louis didn't like the song or the performance, Sharon said it was a very weak vocal, Simon said he didn't see Andy as a recording artist but Danni stood by her act and said he had done well. May be in the bottom two this week as this was not good enough.

9. Beverley - Feelin' Good - What a great way to end the show with this Big Band classic. A very slick and vocally perfect performance by Beverley. This could of been a mistake but she pulled it off and looked and sounded great. Best performance of the night and she looked more confident this week. Sharon said she had owned the stage, Danni said it was a great song choice, Simon said it was incredible and she had been for the first time better than Niki on the live shows and mentor Louis said it was by far the best performance of the night. Will fly through this week.

So yet again the bottom two provided a shock for everyone especially one of the judges. As the names were read out for who would be back next week the predictably acts that had been great this week such as Alisha, Leon, Niki and Beverley went through it looked more and more like one judge would have two in the bottom two, and they did with Futureproof and Hope ending up in the bottom two. Simon said it had been the wrong choice but told his acts to come out and fight for they place on next weeks show. First up was Futureproof and second up was Hope.

Futureproof took to the stage for the second time looking resound to the fact they were going home as they were up against one of the shows early favourites. The performance was a lot more shaky this time round, and they looked as if they were on their way home. Hope were obviously shocked to be the bottom two and came out fighting with a sexier and gutsy performance second time round. So after the performances the judges had to vote for who they were sending home. Louis called Futureproofs performance sloppy and voted for them, Sharon loves Hope so voted for Futureproof, Danni I suspect to throw the onus onto Simon to make the final decision voted off Hope and Simon having to vote off one of his acts plumped for Futureproof, meaning Hope were safe for another week.

So as the battle of the bands ended with Futureproof getting the boot here is Captain Jacks farewell report on the band.

So the first of the bands to face the chop is Futureproof. The five guys all originally auditioned as solo artists and got through to boot camp, but were all told they were not going any further as solo artists, but as the groups category was so weak this year, Louis suggested putting a boy and girl band together from the solo acts that just missed the cut, hense Futureproof and Hope were born, and both went on to make it to the live shows.

The band is made up of Matthew who is 17 from London, Sean who is 20 and from Warwick, Richard who is 23 from Leeds, Adam who is 21 from Maidstone and Aaron who is 19 and from London. Four of the lads, Matthew, Sean, Adam and Aaron, have all been either to stage school or in bands, only Richard has not been involved before in the business. Sean has also been in boot-camp before in 2006 when he was part of a duo that didn't get through. The lads had an excellent first two weeks and looked as if they may progress further, but this weeks poor performance let hem down and off they go, but its not all doom and gloom for the lads, they have promised this is only the start for Futureproof and an album is to follow...whoopee doo! Goodbye Futureproof and good luck!

So there we have it. Bit of a shock this week with the Happy Slapper incident and the fit girl band almost being knocked out of the show, but you can't always predict how this show will go, and I'm beginning to worry that the Riddler may end up going all the way and annoying us for years to come. Ah well there's hop for us all if that berk has made it to our screens. So on then to tonight's karaoke feast of fun, with an added busman's holiday for me and Shaunio as the night continued on and we wowed the crowds at a second venue. So tonight's songs were firstly at The Hotel 1. Band On The Run by Wings 2. Roll Away The Stone by Mott The Hoople 3. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC and 4. Tiny Dancer by Elton John and then at our second venue Base in Hanley, which has karaoke on until 2am in the morning on Thursdays we finished off with 5. Dare by Gorillaz.

Band On The Run by Wings link to video

Now this is a real classic to start off with tonight, but the usual crowd, Shaun, Tina, Hayley and Louise all didn't get what the song was until the Band On The Run line in the chorus. Even Andy was surprised none of them got it, and to make it worse Hayley has been listening to the brilliant Foo Fighters version on the Radio One 40th Birthday album for weeks now and loves the track. Must be the new Journey South album (Available in all good shops and some bad ones too!) damaging her eardrums! So onto this song then. This was the title song from Paul McCartney and Wings' acclaimed Band on the Run album, one of McCartney's most ambitious and best-loved songs. It is comprised of a three-part structure that revolves around the themes of escape and liberation. The song features prominently on every McCartney/Wings best-of compilation and in McCartney's live shows. The song was considered the best evidence that McCartney's songwriting skills had not deserted him after The Beatles.

Wings were formed in 1970 following the break up of the Beatles and featured McCartney's wife Linda as a band member as McCartney had insisted from the beginning of their marriage that his wife should be involved in his musical projects, so that they did not have to be apart when he was on tour. Although the band only lasted for ten years the released 12 albums and had 23 single releases most of which reached the UK and US Top Ten, and included such well known hits as Live And Let Die, Jet, Silly Love Songs, Mull Of Kintyre, With A Little Luck and of course who could forget The Frog Chorus! On the night rating 7/10

Roll Away The Stone by Mott The Hoople link to video

Another seventies classic that I have dug up for my next track. Mott the Hoople were a 1970s glam rock band with strong R&B roots. They are best known for the song ' All the Young Dudes ', which was written for them by their fan David Bowie and which appeared on the 1972 album of the same name. In 1968, Mick Ralphs, Verden Allen, Pete "Overend" Watts and Dale "Buffin" Griffin formed a band called Silence. Adding then lead singer Stan Tippens in 1969, the band recorded early tracks at Rockfield Studios in Monmouth. Stan was injured soon after joining the band and was unable to continue singing, but the band rallied and eventually signed with Island Records, moving to London to record with Guy Stevens as producer.
Stevens changed the band's name to ' Mott the Hoople ' from a novel of the same name by Willard Manus. The book is about an eccentric who works in a circus freak show. The band also recruited a new singer and piano player, Ian Hunter. Hunter had replied to a music magazine advertisement which read "Singer wanted, must be image-minded and hungry." Tippens became the road manager for the band. Their debut album, Mott the Hoople (1969), was a cult success, and their repertoire included memorable cover versions of ' Laugh at Me ' by Sonny Bono, and an instrumental version of ' You Really Got Me ' by The Kinks.

During the glam rock seventies the band who had been close to splitting up were persuaded to stay together by fan David Bowie, who offered them Sufragette City from his then unreleased Ziggy Stardust album. But the band refused the track and Bowie wrote them All The Young Dudes which they released in 1972 on the Bowie produced album of the same name. Although they had huge success with the single the band eventually broke up in 1974 never to record together again.

This single was released in 1973 and reached number 8 in the charts and is it reported that Brian May from Queen rates this as one of the guitar riffs that influenced many of the hard rock Queen tracks he wrote for the band. Yet again it was only myself and Andy (It must be our age!) that knew this song, and although it was not well know by our little band of merry men and women I think the pub as a whole were suitably impressed. on the night rating 8/10


Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC link to video

A late entry for tonight as I only practiced it about an hour before I went to the pub, but a classic rock track by one of the worlds greatest and most loved hard rock bands, and this is a great chance to write about one of the bands that influenced my taste in music as well. The band were formed in Sydney in 1973 by brothers Angus and Malcolm Young. The band are considered pioneers of heavy metal, alongside bands such as Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath, although the band has always classified their music as rock and roll. During their career spanning nearly 35 years the band has has countless hits and has headlined more hard rock festivals, including Donnington three times.

In 1980 original lead vocalist Bon Scott died in London after a heavy night drinking. The official report said he died from alchoholic poisoning, but it was rumoured that it may of been a heroin overdose that killed him. The band almost quit after Scott's death, but the Young brothers were determined to go on and replaced Bon Scott with geordie Brian Johnson, whose rasping vocals have taken the band on to a hugely successful period throughout the 80's and early 90's.

This track was released 1976, and was written by Angus Young, Malcolm Young and Bon Scott.
This is one of AC/DC's best known songs. It features a unique backing vocal consisting of a heavy breathing sound, made on the downbeat during verses. It is also the only AC/DC song to feature a line sung solely by Malcolm Young, who sings the title at the end of the chorus. In the song, an unnamed person invites people with problems to either call him at 362-436 or visit him at his home, and he will perform assorted unsavoury acts to resolve all manner of problems. Situations in which he offers assistance include those involving lewd high school principals and wives or girlfriends who cheat or nag. As detailed by the song the dirty deeds provided at low cost include such delights as Concrete shoes, Cyanide, T.N.T. and High Voltage.
Two of the services offered share names with AC/DC's first two albums, T.N.T. and High Voltage. Additionally, the six digits of the telephone number provided by the lyrics are the idealized perfect measurements of a woman (36"-24"-36"). The term ' Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap ' is an homage to the cartoon Beany and Cecil, which Angus Young watched when he was a child. One of the cartoon's characters was named Dishonest John, and carried a business card that read, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. Holidays, Sundays and Special Rates." Yet again I managed to sing another song that nobody had ever heard of before in the pub, but it will not deter me from advancing the musical knowledge of the listeners. And on the note of advancing the knowledge of you all on these great bands, I think it is time I announced the birth of my new upcoming blog coming to a computer screen near you entitled ' What The Hell Was That - The Greatest Bands In The World Ever ' It will bring you a biography of my favourite bands like AC/DC and a reference point to anyone ho wants to learn more about great bands. Watch this space soon.
On the night rating 7/10

Tiny Dancer by Elton John link to video

Ok Ok I know I love a lot of strange music and I know not everyone knows every track by every artist like I appear to do, but I was astonished when nobody had heard this classic by Elton John. Tiny Dancer is a 1971 released song by Elton with lyrics by his long term colaberator Bernie Taupin, which appears on Elton's fifth album, Madman Across the Water. The song features a piano-based melody during verses, typically inscrutable Taupin lyrics during the chorus, and an arrangement that at the start features pedal steel guitar and light percussion but, transitioning subtly halfway through one of the choruses, by the end is driven by Paul Buckmaster's dynamic strings, along with a barely heard backing choir. Clocking at 6:13, it was one of the longer radio singles of that period.
The song was written about Maxine Feibelman, a dancer on Elton John's tour who later married Taupin at his church called Holy Rood Catholic Church. Later, the song from the Elton John album Blue Moves called ' Between Seventeen and Twenty ' referred to the divorce of Bernie and Maxine Taupin and the fact that so much had changed from when they first met when he was age twenty and she was age seventeen. A non-starter as a single at the time, reaching only number 41 in the U.S. and not charting at all in the UK, Tiny Dancer did not fade away, but instead slowly became one of Elton John's most popular songs. A fixture on radio stations, but played by rock stations as well, the song simply grew in popularity.

The song received an additional boost in popularity in 2000 after appearing in a memorable scene in the Cameron Crowe film Almost Famous, where it is played over the sound system of a tour bus and no one can resist the urge to sing along to the chorus. Elton John has attested to the film's popularization of the song, saying in 2004, ' I hadn't played it much until Cameron Crowe put it in Almost Famous. Now we get more requests for it than anything else.' The song was also reconned to be one of Princess Diana's favourite Elton John Tracks. on the night rating 8/10

And so onto our guest appearence at a rival karaoke!

Dare by Gorillaz link to video

Gorillaz is a virtual band created in 1998 by Damon Albarn of Blur, and Jamie Hewlett, co-creator of the comic book Tank Girl. The band is composed of four animated band members: 2D, Murdoc, Noodle and Russel. The band's music is a collaboration between various musicians with Albarn being the only permanent member. Their style is broadly alternative rock, but with a large number of other influences including hip hop, electronica, dub and pop. The band's first album, 2001's Gorillaz, sold over 7 million copies and earned them an entry in the Guinness Book of Records as the Most Successful Virtual Band. It was nominated for the Mercury Prize 2001, but the nomination was later withdrawn at the band's request. Their second studio album, Demon Days, was released in 2005 and included the hit singles ' Feel Good Inc. ', ' Dirty Harry ' and of cours this song ' Dare '. Demon Days went five times platinum in the UK, double platinum in the United States, and earned five Grammy Award nominations for 2006, and won one of them in the Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals category.

Released in August 2005 as the second single from the album and became the first Gorillaz single to hit number 1 on the UK Singles Chart. The song was originally to be called ' It's There ' but they had to change it because Shaun Ryder, who is the guest singer on the track, has such a strong Mancunian accent it made it sound like he was saying ' It's dare ', hence the title. The video features Ryder as a giant disembodied head kept alive by machinery in Noodle's closet. In a departure for the band, the song is mostly performed in the video by Noodle, with 2D, Russel, and Murdoc only appearing in short cameos in the video. 2D is seen listening into Noodle's room by pressing his ear to the floor, Russel is shown seated on a toilet reading a newspaper and Murdoc appears at the end of the video lying in bed with Shaun Ryder, who wakes up, apparently having dreamt up the entire sequence of the video. Murdoc tells Ryder to "go back to sleep, honey," after which it is further revealed to be another nightmare dreamt by Murdoc, who also wakes up bolt upright in his own bed gasping and panting. In commentary, Noodle claims that Murdoc initially protested at her doing the entire video by herself, but she countered that she had seen him show off too much in the Feel Good, Inc. video, and adds that he was asleep in his Winnebago for the whole of the shoot up until the final scene. The video was directed by Jamie Hewlett and Pete Candeland.

The video is also well known as a tribute to classic horror movies. In the very beginning of the video we see Gorillaz 'reject false icons' statue, which one may recognize as Pazuzu, the figurine from The Exorcist and son of the devil. Crows are flying around the building, in a tribute to Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. Shaun Ryder is depicted as a Frankenstein-like monster who is brought to life as the music begins. Amongst the contraptions that are part of the life support system appear to be Atari joysticks from the early 1980s. Ryder's head being kept alive is a pun on the movie The Brain That Wouldn't Die. The tube attached to Ryder's cheek switches from side to side as a tribute to the goofs commonly made in early horror movies. When we see Russel sitting on the toilet, he is holding a newspaper with a headline that reads CANNIBAL MASSAKREN, the Danish title of Cannibal Ferox, a horrifically violent horror movie that is banned in many countries, and on the back of the newspaper a headline text of the name "Freddie" is seen which is possibly a reference to Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street. The zoom on Noodle's eye at the end of the video is taken directly from Ringu and its American remake, The Ring. on the night rating 10/10

So its time to love you and leave you for another week folks. Its been a long and entertaining week for the old Captain this week, and the old bones are in need of a rest after the alcohol fueled last few days of my break from work. This weeks blog has been a long one, and it does seem that its getting bigger by the week, but then I do have a lot of stuff to say and I know it gives the wife something to read at work! So to edn again this week is another classic line from the man himself Homer. Until next week folks bye bye.

" Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get!. "