Another busy week for the Captain so I will try my best to entertain you but in the shortest amount of time. So to start with this week, not so much funny but entertaining none the less. Poor Comedy Dave from Radio One got his bum waxed on Celebrity Scissorhands this week by his fellow Radio One colleague Aled all in the name of charity for Children In Need. Now I'm not one for all this 'namby pamby' bum waxing melarchy, but his face when all the celebs walk in on him to see Daves arse is very funny, and to top it off he got waxed by the midget Warwick, who you will recognise from countless films, by a wax strip almost as big as him, no pun intended.....
So now that I have lightened your load a little on to this weeks list. As I have been so busy just lately, this weeks list is most appropriate. Here for all you fellow stressed up little monkeys is Captain Jacks patented stress relief tips....
1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and see how far you can fire them.
2. Use your MasterCard to pay off your Visa card and the vice versa.
3. Make a list of things to do that you've already done.
4. Dance naked in front of your pets.
5. Put your toddlers clothes on backwards and send them to nursery as if nothing is wrong.
6. Read the dictionary upside down and find secret hidden messages.
7. Pay your electric/gas/water bills in pennies.
8. Drive to work in reverse.
9. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
10. Polish your car with ear wax.
11. Start a nasty rumour at work and see if you recognise it when you hear it again.
12. Write a short story in alphabet spaghetti
13. Stare a people through a fork and pretend their in jail.
14. Make up a language and ask someone for directions in it.
15. Buy a box of condoms from the chemist and ask the sales assistant where the fitting room is, and for help putting it on. (Note only for female sales assistants, unless your a batty boy of course!)
So there you go. Fifteen surefire ways to relieve your stress and put the other buggers around you into a whole new world of stress they could of never imagined. So back to the bit of the blog I like to call The X Factor Section (Note to self:Must come up with better name for X-Factor section!)
Week four already and this weeks theme is 21st century hits or as refered to on the show, modern classics. Each act had to perform a song by artist from after 2000, giving us the chance to at least of heard the songs from Louis Walsh's category and not the songs from his fifties record collection! With only eight acts remaining the pressure was really on the remaining acts to see if singing a 'modern' song would show if they can relate to today's musical tastes. The public are a fickle bunch, so get this wrong and you could be packing up early, and the judges would be on high alert to keep their reputations of being able to judge current music trends intact. Let the battle commence...
1. Niki - Because Of You - Not a well known song unless your a Kelly Clarkson fan, so in my opinion this put the talented singer under pressure from the off, but she has a great voice and the gamble paid off. Sang very well and made the song her own, but at times the vocals seemed a bit out of sync and rushed. Sharon said the performance was unbelievable and she had a belting voice, Danni thought it was the wrong song and the vocal could of been better, Simon agreed it was unbelievably good and back to the old Niki, and Louis said she had the right attitude and it was the right song for her, and she could be in the final.
2. Same Difference - I Don't Feel Like Dancing - It was cheese time early on tonight as the brother sister combo pulled off another childish performance of this Scissor Sister classic. Again the performance was over the top, but the act are playing to the public, especially the kids, vote and if they carry on like this they will probably win it, but being too cheesy and predictable can get you booted off and I'm not sure they could change their style enough or be believable singing serious songs. Louis, who has slated them every week, said they were growing on him but they would never win the show, Sharon said it was very Micheal Jackson and the routine was nothing to do with the song and described it as a 'bad dream' (I think she meant nightmare!) Danni said they made the performance look easy and were great, and Simon said he thought it was their best performance and above all they were singing in tune and that it was fun.
3. Andy - Chasing Cars - Not the best version I have heard of this song by Snow Patrol. This week Andy tried to 'rock' himself up a bit, but the dopey eyes are just nut going to cut it with this style, and the poor lad just looked out of place and nervous. Having said that as the song went on his vocals improved and all in all not a bad performance. Louis said it was a great song choice but that he just had something missing, Sharon said he sang well, but he lacked the 'kahunas' to be a believable rocker, and she would know!, Simon described it a like eating caviar with salad cream (Why doesn't he just say crap!) and it was the wrong song choice, and Danni said that it was great and the judges were out of touch with music.
4. Beverley - Your Beautiful - Best vocal of the night so far, but the lyric change from 'saw her face' to 'saw his face' didn't work so it stuck in my mind as a bit of a balls up. But as I said Beverley's vocals on this were perfect again, and the song suited her style. Sharon saying that she sang from the heart and you could tell the story with her vocals, Danni said she looked venerable and to bring back the diva, Simon called it a peanut performance, meaning it was the type of song you would expect to hear in a hotel lobby, and Louis said it was brilliantly sang and that he believed she would go far.
5. Hope - Back To Black - After the slip into the bottom two last week the girls had to perform this week. No gimmicks just great harmony and vocals. And yet again this time they made the song their own, with another good performance. It makes a change to see a girl band that can all sing and that look good too, most only look good nowadays! Louis said they made the right decision keeping them in and that they should go a long way if they can win the girls votes, Sharon said they were back to their best and they sounded and looked great, Danni said it was much much better than last week, and Simon said it worked and they sounded back to their best.
6. Leon - Dancing In The Moonlight - Great little performance here by the young lad from Scotland. Had suffered apparently with a bad throat in the week and was worried he wouldn't get through the song, but he did, and it wasn't half bad. Gave it his own style and although his dancing is a little stiff, he is definitely getting better in the competition. Louis said it was too Micheal Buble and it was the wrong song, Sharon said he was growing and growing every week and that he was getting better and better, Simon said he had the likable factor that made him special, and that although the vocal could of been better, he was improving, and Danni said she was proud of him after his tough week.
7. Alisha - Girl Put Your Records On - This girl is really suited to the newer songs and this was a great performance, but the vocal seemed a little less than heartfelt and could of done with hitting the high notes higher! This could be as in her VT she explained that this was not really her type of music. Now how a young girl is not into Corrine Bailey Rae after the year she has had and how big her album was I don't know, but Alisha's needs to realise that this kind of music sells today, and that she sings it well. Louis said it was a bit too diva? (Plonker) Danni loved the song and the performance, Simon said it was not as good as last week but she was growing with confidence, and Sharon loved it and thought she did really well.
8. Rhydian - You Raise Me Up - Billed as performing as all of Westlife in one, this was worrying, but the Riddler managed this week to pull of a song with no gimmicks or acting, just singing. A bit dull for my taste, but his vocals were again fantastic, and he is looking more and more like he can win this at a stroll. Louis called it the best version he had ever heard (ever likely after hearing the Westlife version) Sharon said she thought that he looked like the winner, Simon said it was an incredible world class vocal and the best version he had heard (ever likely after hearing the Westlife version) and Danni said he was amazing and proved he didn't need the gimmicks to sound good.
Now as less and less acts are in it gets harder to see who will end in the bottom two. This week was a bit of a weak show really, and all the acts could of picked better songs, but that is the judges call. So as the names were read out for who survived the last two left this week were Andy and Beverley.
First up was Andy, and after a slightly nervous first performance, this time he came out fighting and put his 'Kahunas' into what was probably his best performance of the series. Not that he is my favourite, but he put in enough effort and emotion to get thorough on this performance. Beverley came out and sang again very well, but seemed a bit shocked to be in the bottom two and the performance was nowhere near as good as first time round.
So as you would expect Louis voted for Andy to leave and Danni voted for Beverley, keeping faith with their own acts, Sharon voted for Andy as she felt Beverley had the most potential, and Simon voted off Andy as he felt Beverley was more popular with the public. So off went Andy back to his day job, and here is Captain Jack's farewell report...
Andy Williams is a 23 year old from Newport in Wales. He lives at home with his mum and dad and elder brother Lee, and along with his brother he runs his own asbestos removal company. He has auditioned once before for the show, for series one, but he was turned down, and he has spent every night since practicing to get on the show, which he did this time round at his Cardiff audition. The first record he ever bought was Rocking All Over The World by Status Quo, no wonder he got the boot! And as he is such an honest lad his biggest claim to fame is that he hasn't got a claim to fame? Goodbye Andy and good luck.........
So there we have it. One less and its not getting to the nitty gritty part of the show. And speaking of nitty gritty, lets swiftly move on to this weeks selection of tuneage at the Hotel on Thursday. This week was another mixed bag for me, with oldies, newbies and classics all rolled into one night of singing fun. Here goes then . 1. Sweet Talking Woman by E.L.O. 2. Sweet Freedom by Michael McDonald 3. Folding Stars by Biffy Clyro 4. Tom Trauberts Blues by Rod Stewart and 5. In The End by Linkin Park.
Sweet Talking Woman by E.L.O. link to video
To start with tonight a classic from E.L.O. which nearly always goes down well in the pub. but tonight rather packed pub was full of a very young audience that seemed oblivious to the musical genius that was E.L.O. However having said that it went down well with everyone else. Sang tonight as at the weekend I yet again saw the best tribute act I have ever seen, The ELO Experience, of which I am determined to give a report on for you all soon as they deserve it, and next time they are on at the Oxford Arms then I think a group outing is called for as they are brilliant! So on to the song. Sweet Talkin' Woman was released in 1978 by The ELO from the LP Out of the Blue. Its original title was Dead End Street, but changed during recording, perhaps to avoid confusion with a 1966 hit of the same title by the Kinks. The track became the third Top Ten hit from the LP in the UK, peaking at number six in the charts. The song has been covered by the Christian ska band Five Iron Frenzy on their Quantity Is Job 1 EP. Huey Lewis & The News recorded the song Do You Believe In Love in 1982, and this song has been criticized as a blatant rewrite of Sweet Talkin Woman, for its extremely similar lyrics, progression, and vocal styling. On the night rating 7/10
Sweet Freedom By Michael McDonald link to video
A great forgotten song from a film soundtrack now. Sweet Freedom was taken from a great film Running Scared starring Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines. Good old fashioned buddy cop movie, good action and great soundtrack, staple fodder for mid eighties films. The song is another of those 'now where do I know that song from' and is mistakenly thought to by sang by several different artists to McDonald, as in the UK he is not that well known. McDonald played in several local bands while attending High School in his hometown of Ferguson, Missouri. He was 'discovered' while playing with a group called Blue and consequently moved to Los Angeles in 1970. He first gained wide attention as part time member of the group Steely Dan, providing back-up vocals on tracks for 1975's Katy Lied album. He would return on subsequent albums including The Royal Scam and have his unique phrasing in Peg on the album Aja. His talent on the keyboards was also showcased during this time. Michael continued to do background vocals for Steely Dan up to their 1980 Gaucho release. He also was a member of the original Steely Dan touring band playing keyboards and singing backup in the short time they toured in the early '70s.
McDonald was recruited by The Doobie Brothers in April 1975 when lead singer Tommy Johnston became ill during a national tour. As a member of the Doobies, he recorded some of his most memorable songs, such as Takin' It to the Streets, Little Darling, It Keeps You Runnin', used in the movie Forrest Gump, Minute by Minute and What a Fool Believes, which became a number one single in the US and earned him a 1980 Grammy Award for Song of the Year. After the Doobies' first farewell tour, McDonald continued with a very successful solo career. Among his hits are I Heard It Through the Grapevine, I Keep Forgettin' (Every Time You're Near), a duet with his sister Maureen, later sampled in 1994 by Warren G and Nate Dogg in the hugely popular "Regulate". Yah Mo B There, a duet with James Ingram which won a 1985 Grammy for Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals and On My Own, a 1986 duet with Patti Labelle which reached number one on the US charts.
McDonald has produced and/or appeared on albums recorded by many other artists, including his singer wife Amy Holland and Grammy winner Christopher Cross. He sang back up vocals for Bonnie Raitt's 1977 album, Sweet Forgiveness, on the songs Gamblin Man, Runaway, Sweet Forgiveness, and Two Lives. McDonald is also a co-founder of the small independent recording label Ramp Records, with studio designer Chris Pelonis and actor Jeff Bridges.
McDonald has reunited as a guest performer with the Doobies several times since their initial dissolution in 1982, but he continues his solo career with a series of tribute albums to the Motown sound. The best example of this is his 2003 Motown Records album Motown which earned McDonald two Grammy nominations. He also sang Eyes of a Child, written by Trey Parker, which was the ending credits track satirizing his career and songs, for the 1999 animated film South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. On the night rating 7/10
Folding Stars by Biffy Clyro link to video
A quickly put in 'new' song, as my Karaoke compadre Shaun had played to the younger audience somewhat with his song choices tonight throwing in the likes of The Fratellis and Razorlight, so not to be outdone, and with the looming Biffy Clyro gig at The Carling Academy (Photo's and report to come honest!) All there is to say on this is that it is a great song, and they are a great band, and having seen them at Download earlier this year, I have one up on Hayley and Shaun in knowign they are a great live act too. And as the younger audince appreciated the track, it is obvious that my songs are know by people, as long as the audience is under 19! On the night rating 8/10
Tom Trauberts Blues by Rod Stewart link to video
Now its very rare I get to sing an absolute classic, no wait I do at least one a week, but joking aside this is one of the songs I have always wanted to have a crack at as the vocals are brilliant. It is a song written around the lyrics to Waltzing Matilda, the well known Australian folk song, but is based on the tale of a young soldier from Austrailia being caught behind enemy lines in the First World War and dreaming of being back home. The original Waltzing Matilda lyrics were about an Austrailian swagman, or tramp, so the verse was changed and the chorus kept to give tis fantastic old song feel to it. This version was written by Tom Wait, but this Rod Stewart version was recorded for his MTV Unplugges session in 1992, where it made number six in the charts. And after singing this one, I can safely say it was a real pleasure to sing this tonight, even though it did seem nobody knew it, this time I really didn't care. on the night rating 9/10
In The End by Linkin Park link to video
Who say's that me and Shaun don't just love playing to the crowds! Now it seems pointless to say anything about this song as this is the fourth time this year that me and Shaun have rocked the Hotel for quite possibly the best duet anyone ever sings in the pub. And the fact that we got a standing ovation from our young audience left our heads swelled no bigger than they usually are on a Thursday after a few pints. This is all about the fact that the Linkin Park boys have finally announce a UK tour, to be held in January 2008, and good old Shaun (Well Lisa to be precise) has very kindly agreed to get up and log on to bu us tickets to see them in Sheffield at the Hallam arena. Now I keep regular updates on the Linkin Park website, and no mention of a UK tour was even brought up, so it came as a pleasent surprise, and to give Shaun a taste of how good they are live, this weeks clip is of a live performance of In The End to get us in the mood. On the night rating 10/10
So here endeth another week. Next week I will try to find time to add the Biffy Clyro gig review, The ELO Experience report and the live album playing of Magnum's Wings Of Heaven 20th Anniversary tour. Where will I find the time to fit it all in. So much to say and so little time to say it in. Maybe I should keep to the minimum and not go into so much detail! Nah where would the fun in that be. And as I promised to keep you informed of the upcoming new blog on rock bands, the title I have decided on is ' Rock Yor World - The Rock Encyclopedia '. This will give a definative history on the best bands that have graced the rock world such as Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, Thunder, Scorpions, AC/DC, Queen, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, The Black Crowes, Skin and of course the big daddies The Rolling Stones. More to come in a few weeks, as a few tweeks are needed to get it looking right, but fear ye not it will soon be here! So until next week folks ta ra..........
" Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad. "
Homer J Simpson
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